“Yeah, but now everyone in town thinks she’s the villain who broke my heart, when really, we were both looking for exit strategies. And in a way, now I’m free too.”

I offer to grab us another round, needing to step away for a moment, because I’m not the best at emotional crap like this. I’m better at solving problems with clear solutions, not at having to navigate how someone feels. That’s probably one of the reasons I’ve been okay with resigning myself to hookups outside of town, rather than trying to actually date anyone.

I consider Connor a simple guy (like me) and a pretty open person (unlike me), but our friendship’s always been surface level. I guess I didn’t realize how much more he kept inside him.

“I didn’t mean to unload all this on you,” he says when I come back and hand him his beer.

“It’s fine,” I tell him. “Sorry, I’m not the greatest sounding board though. I don’t really know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything. I guess I just needed to get this stuff off my chest.”

We’re quiet for a minute, each sipping our beers, but it’s not uncomfortable. I’m cool with not talking.

Except I find my mind drifting back to Brenden, and for fuck’s sake, I need to stop going there. He knows I’m gay now, but that doesn’t change anything, does it? I still don’t date. I can’t just grab him and say, Hey, now that you know I like dick, you wanna let me on yours?

Because that’s obviously a terrible idea that could ruin our friendship.

Because May trusts me not to hurt her dad. And I don’t want to hurt him.

Because if I fucked him, even one time, I’m pretty sure I’d never get over it. I’d never stop wanting more.

“Can I tell you one more thing?” Connor asks, and I nod, grateful for the reprieve from my own thoughts. “I think... I mean, I know that I... I’ve always been curious.”

“About what?”

“Men.”

A swig of beer goes down the wrong way, and I start coughing. “Excuse me?”

He shrugs. “I’ve been pretty sure since I was younger that I swing both ways. But I sort of held myself back, because of growing up on the farm and doing all the typical masculine stuff, you know? People assumed I was one way, and I didn’t do anything to let them think otherwise. As a teen, I was just getting brave enough to maybe explore it, but then Emma and I got together, and there was no reason for me to think about it anymore. It didn’t matter.”

I realize I must be gaping at him when he frowns.