And while I never intended to bring this up with him, I think I have to. Averting my gaze, I scratch at some gunk on my jeans, probably a bit of food I dropped on myself at the diner. “But uh, when I was younger, you used to say things. Pretty shitty things.”

“What the heck are you talking about?”

I still can’t look at him when I explain. “I used to watch sports with you. I only stopped because when you got mad, you’d yell slurs at the TV. Homophobic slurs. So I assumed you didn’t like queer people. Or at least, you wouldn’t want your son to be one.”

The silence that follows my words feels as loud as a million people screaming in my ears. The couch becomes fascinating to me as I stare at it. It’s old as hell, the cushions marred with stains and rips from my childhood. Why hasn’t he ever gotten a new one?

My stomach ties itself in knots while I wait for him to say something. But he doesn’t. Finally, I risk looking up at him.

His eyes are pained and—Is he tearing up?

He rakes his fingers through the graying hair at his temples before dropping his head into his hands. And all I can do is watch as his body shakes and I hear him choke back a sob. When he looks up again, he swipes harshly at his wet eyes, then holds my stare.

“Fuck, Travis, I’m so goddamn sorry. If that’s how you thought of me... that’s what you assumed I thought of you, my own kid...”

He shakes his head. “I had no idea. I don’t even remember that. But it kills me that my words affected you that way. I don’t wanna make excuses for myself. I just need you to know that whatever stupid shit I said was just that. Stupid shit. Guys like me talked that way all the time back then. And that doesn’t make it okay, but I’d like to think I’ve changed with the times, and I swear I’d never use any slurs like that now.”

“I mean, yeah, I haven’t heard you say anything like that in a very long time,” I tell him. “Maybe I should’ve brought it up so much sooner and not held on to it for all these years.”

“No, don’t blame yourself,” he says, leaning forward in his chair. “I’m just sorry I ever made you question how I felt about you. You’re my fucking son, and I love you. I don’t give a crap if you’re straight, gay, bi, or any other letters of the goddamn rainbow. People should be able to love whoever they love without being judged for it. I’ve never felt any differently, but I regret that my actions didn’t make that clear.”