The day after Alex was born the sun was cracking flags. It was a relief to get inside. We waited for the lift in the hospital. May had a blue gift bag with a teddy in it – the bear with the red buttons and the pull cord that played a lullaby and broke before he was two because he asked for it so often. We could hear the lift coming down, the creaking, the warm rush of air.

‘Alright?’ I squeezed her arm and she just looked at me as if to say Stop fussing, I’m fine. I couldn’t think what to talk about. I wanted to say It smells just the same doesn’t it? I wanted to say It feels as if it was yesterday.

We stood inside, heard a man shouting ‘hold on!’ just as the doors were sliding shut, running forward, his foot wedged in the gap, arms pushing outwards against the force of the doors. May pressed the hold button and he fell in, pulling a helium balloon behind him. We made room. We smiled.

‘Cheers,’ he said, out of breath, ‘if I’m late she’ll kill me.’

He had a tracksuit on and trainers. His eyes were bloodshot. He ran his hand over the stubble on his head, back and forth like sandpaper on wood. He flooded the place with the smell of cheap aftershave. The balloon was wafting around in the space above out heads, like a plane with skywriting. It’s a boy! reflecting it in all the mirrors, on the back of the doors, everywhere. That feeling in my guts as the lift started upwards.

‘Your first is it?’ I said.

‘Yep.’

‘Let me guess. A little boy by any chance?’

‘Yes!’ he said, all excited, his eyes lighting up. He saw my face then, looked up at the balloon, laughed at himself.

May elbowed me in the side.

‘Over nine pounds he is,’ he held up a carrier bag, ‘I’ve had to get the next size up in all the clothes. Chubby little bugger.’

‘A good healthy weight,’ May said.

‘Tell that to the Missus.’

We laughed. But I was worried about May. I was worried about her seeing Alex. Karen had already told us about his hair when we rang. ‘There’s not much of it,’ she said, ‘but when the light catches you can really tell.’ And he was so tiny, not much bigger than our little one when he – when we – and she’d held him then too, and smoothed the hair behind his ear, and I was worried it would all be too much.