I shuffle about and pull the duvet over me. I imagine Ian driving though the night – running away from Alex, running away from himself and even though he’s a selfish bastard I feel a little bit sorry for him. Just a little. I think about the first time I’ll take Alex to a match and how I’ll keep him away from all the trouble. I’ll keep him away from it for as long as I can. The music goes on: ‘Strangers in the Night’, ‘Nature Boy’, ‘How Great Thou Art’. She doesn’t remember half the words and she’s never been renowned for her musical abilities and all the time I can hear the rain on the roof. The crying has stopped now and that song again, I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder. I close my eyes and at this particular moment it may just be the loveliest sound I’ve ever heard.

1:30 pm

I don’t know how they expect me to sing with my mouth full. These songs are good but they’re not the one

And though we spoke of many things, many things, this he said to me –

Fancy hats and sugar on the vegetables. Sugar! The women check the plates. They add more potatoes when you’re not looking. Their painted faces, all sparkle and glitter. They’d be better off going on the stage.

I don’t want any more, thank you very much. I never wanted any in the first place.

The girl would understand if I could get her to        look. Not like the others. Her hair is         simple. She has a clean face. She doesn’t grin at me like

angels we have heard on high                 if there was a message she’d pass it on. If Ned was here she’d know.

Secrets are bad but sometimes there’s no other

way.

Dad sent me to the farm with the letter. The foxgloves tickled my legs. He said to put it under the bucket by the coal cellar. He said the postman had left it behind. I didn’t tell Mum. ‘She wouldn’t like you going there, May,’ he said.

The stamp was missing on the envelope.

18 May 1994

Alex

Billy won’t stop singing. Champio-nees, Champio-nees, away away away. He’s in the backseat drowning out the radio. Granddad stops at the traffic lights just before Sainsbury’s and shakes his head.

‘Don’t get cocky Billy lad. We’re already two-nil down.’

‘But we can do it, Arthur. We’re on our own turf now. Just watch us pulverise the bastards.’