Now I understand everything, and it doesn’t do much to make me feel better. No, I feel even worse because I realize now that I was unconscious during a party full of football players.

And my stepbrothers, who I highly doubt would stop anybody from doing anything awful to me.

With my eyes closed, I run a hand over myself under the blanket. I’m fully dressed, thank god. It doesn’t mean they couldn’t have put my clothes back on me, but it does seem like a lot of trouble. And besides, I’m starting to understand how these two think. They’d much rather I wake up naked, asking a hundred questions, ready to die of shame.

What was it they were saying to me before I passed out? How they wanted to keep me out of the way? I think that’s what Colt said—and maybe that’s all it was. They wanted me drugged, unconscious, unable to ruin their good time or to tell anybody else about it after the fact, which is probably more along the lines of what they were actually concerned about. I doubt they’re allowed to have parties here when their father is out of town. Maybe he told them not to. They probably figured I would rat them out. As if I get a flying fuck about what they do as long as it doens’t involve me.

Fuck. What if this did involve me?

Before I know it, my mind is conjuring up the worst possible scenario. Did Colt and Nix do something else to me? Or did they let their friends do something to me? Like I wasn’t already nauseous enough just from being conscious. Maybe they only like recording terrible things they do to people, not the things they let their friends do. I can hope, anyway. If there’s a video out there somewhere of me having stuff done to me while I’m unconscious, I don’t think I could live through it. I really don’t.

But everything feels okay down there, too. I’m not sore the way I was the day after Colt took advantage of me.

The rest of me seems to be in good shape. Aside from my head feeling like it will fall off and roll across the floor if I try to get up, plus my shaky stomach. But the rest of me seems fine. I should probably try to go back to sleep.

I might be able to if it wasn’t for the nagging sense that I’m forgetting something, overlooking something. I can’t imagine what it could be.