“I understand. And I’m so, so sorry. I hate myself for hurting you. And I know trust isn’t something you can just magically get back. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this, especially since those couple of days we were together at the gym. All I wanted was to be able to talk to you the way we used to. It’s like you were so close, but you may as well have been a million miles away. And that hurt so much. That, more than anything, reminded me of what I lost because I made the wrong choice. I will do anything I can to make it up to you. I just want us to start again. I’m willing to earn your trust back if that’s what it takes.”

She doesn’t know it, but she’s saying exactly the kind of thing I need to hear right now. All of a sudden, my legs are too weak to hold me up, so I plop down beside her on the bed. “I don’t know if I should tell you or not.”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you’re not comfortable talking about, but I’m here for you. So whenever you feel comfortable, just let me know. The least I can do is listen. And I’ll tell you something else,” she adds in a softer voice. “I noticed when we were at the gym together that you didn’t look very good. I’m not trying to insult you, I swear. You looked kind of pale and extra tired, run down. I was already worried about you, but I knew you wouldn’t want to hear me talk about it. Nobody wants to be told they’re not looking good, but especially not when it’s somebody who hurt them.”

“I have really missed having you to talk to,” I admit in a whisper. “I have really needed you the past few weeks.”

“Leni, please tell me. What’s happening?”

I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but I have to. I’ll die if I don’t get it out. It will eat a hole through me just like if I swallowed acid. This isn’t the kind of thing I can carry around for the rest of my life. “You have to promise this stays between us. At least until I figure out what I want to do about it. Swear it.”

“I swear. I won’t say a word to anybody.”

I’ll test her a little bit first. Just to see how she reacts. “You know, now that I think about it, you didn’t go back to the house after Mom’s wedding. It was just Deborah.”