Chapters (33)
- Cover
- About the Author
- By the same author
- Dedication
- Part One
- 1. May
- 2. May
- 3. June
- Part Two
- 4. July
- 5. August
- 6. October
- Part Three
- 7. October The Night After the Party
- 8. November Three Weeks After Ash’s Death
- 9. November
- Part Four
- 10. November
- 11. November
- 12. November
- Part Five
- 13. November
- 14. November
- 15. March
- Part Six
- 16. April
- 17. April
- 18. April – Same Day
- 19. May
- 20. December
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING
Poppy’s skin prickles. ‘Who with?’ She tries to sound bored like Izzy.
‘God knows,’ Izzy said. ‘Could be any one of his girlfriends.’
‘What does your mum think?’ Poppy asks.
Izzy shrugs, her face closes up. She doesn’t answer, but then she never talks about her mum. She stubs out her cigarette on a tree trunk, gets some chewing gum from the pocket of her shorts and gives some to Poppy. They walk out of the wood together, chewing.
‘Ninety-nine, a hundred,’ they shout, smothering giggles. ‘Ready or not.’
Blake watches them from behind the water butt. Izzy said they’ll play better games soon. She told him they’ll need the knife so he had to admit he lost it and she said don’t worry lots more where that came from, e.g. the sheds. She came up really close and smiled and he felt amazing. The last time he felt like this was when they went camping and they played football and he got more goals than anyone else, and that was over a year ago.
Sorrel is hiding behind a tree. She can hear Izzy growling; she’s being a monster. It’s supposed to be fun but it’s scary. She’s coming closer and closer and it’s too late to run then suddenly Izzy starts laughing and she turns back from being a monster into a friend. Poppy starts laughing, so Sorrel does too. She doesn’t tell anyone about being frightened because that would be silly, it was only a game.
Part Two
SUMMER HOLIDAYS
Later the police would pore over the videos we took that summer, play them over and over, looking to see where it all began. They start – as everything does – with the children. Poppy and Sorrel waiting by the door, wearing dressing-up clothes. Charley and Blake being dropped off, Izzy arriving. Ducklings swim on the pond and the trees in the distance become a denser, darker green. Eric waves from a ladder by the trees, Igor trudges past with a spade. The clothes get brighter, lighter, skimpier. It was hot for months. Poppy walks with Izzy, linking arms, they look as though they are whispering. Blake is close behind, his head lowered. Sorrel and Charley play with the dog on a rug. Ash runs towards them over the grass. For a little boy he ran surprisingly fast, surprisingly far. We didn’t realize that until later – would that have made a difference? Then shots of Charley giving Ash donkey rides round the field, Sorrel walking beside her. They are all smiling.
If only we could stop the film, right there. Stop, rewind and play again on a loop.
Flicker, flicker. Food on the table. A fruit cake, a chocolate cake, cupcakes. Lemon drizzle then a sponge smothered in strawberries and cream. There are lots of Martin arriving and leaving, books under his arm, blowing kisses to the camera. His shirt becomes tighter, all that cake.