“What do you want?” His voice had turned quieter. He took one hand away from Xiaokai’s hip and put it against Xiaokai’s cheek. “Do you want me to kiss you? Do you just want me to hold you?”

Xiaokai’s heartbeat, against his will, stuttered.

“Tell me, Xiaokai.”

“I want…”

“Yes?”

“I want you to fuck me.” It sounded, for some reason, especially vulgar in front of Bai Xue, and for a moment Xiaokai was overcome with embarrassment.

But Bai Xue just smiled at him. “Okay,” he said, and then: “Let’s get undressed, then.”

Xiaokai never liked the term ‘make love’. He knew why people used it, of course—they wanted a more intimate, romantic way to say ‘fuck’ or ‘have sex’ because the former was vulgar and the latter was impersonal—but it seemed sort of icky to him. It gave him a bad taste in his mouth. With Bai Xue, though, it seemed the only appropriate term to use with him. As he thrust into Xiaokai, he had one arm wrapped around Xiaokai’s chest, holding him close, keeping their bodies together, and he intermittently pressed his mouth to the skin on Xiaokai’s neck, jaw, behind his ear—like Xiaokai was a lover and not just the sex worker who entertained him. He never bit Xiaokai and he was never rough, even when Xiaokai wanted him to be, and he was achingly attentive to how Xiaokai was feeling.

Like a lover, seriously.

After Xiaokai had properly come at least three times, they collapsed next to each other in the bed and Bai Xue pulled Xiaokai closer until he was half laying across Bai Xue’s chest.

“You only have ten more minutes,” Xiaokai mumbled against his skin. “We should get up and shower.”

“I don’t want to move,” said Bai Xue, and when he spoke Xiaokai could feel the rumble of his voice. “Xiaokai…”

“En?”

“This is selfish of me, but…I wish we could go on real dates.”

Xiaokai’s cheeks felt warm again.

“You don’t have to say anything. And I know this is just a job to you and that acting like…this…with me is part of that job, but you really do seem perfect sometimes.”

“I’m not perfect,” said Xiaokai before he could fully process that.

“I know. Nobody is. But it sometimes feels like life could be perfect with you in it.”