“Sun Yue would never take the position. She’s never wanted it. And, if you genuinely don’t know whether someone on the board will be a better match, you don’t know Liu Baiyan. As much as he talked about how the company was more important than family, he would never deign to give the company to anyone other than family.”

Bai Xue kissed him.

Xiaokai gasped and recoiled, his hands moving up automatically to push Bai Xue away, but froze against his chest, his training from Sun Yue kicking in just in time. Slowly, he lowered his hands.

Bai Xue’s tongue traced the seam of his lips.

You’re the perfect tool, Xiaokai.

“Did you think we would just be talking?” Bai Xue asked.

You’re the perfect monster.

26

THE PRINCE

FOR A LONG time, he’d thought of himself only as the backup in the family. If Xingyu failed, it was Xiaokai who would step up to the plate, handle what Xingyu could not or would not. Xingyu was perfect by nature, so Xiaokai needed to do everything he could to become perfect by effort. Of course, it became clear once Xingyu returned that Xiaokai was never a real backup. At best, he was a placeholder. At worst, he was only a mistake—a son born where they had wanted and needed a daughter.

Interestingly, he wasn’t yet resigned to any of this. He wanted to be. There were a lot of things that Xiaokai was resigned to: his job as a prostitute; the loneliness; the fact that he would never be loved or be able to love; the physical pain after so many appointments; the fact that Bai Xue was above him right now, breath brushing against the back of Xiaokai’s neck, his arm wrapped around Xiaokai’s chest; the looming appointment with Sun Yue that he would have to have after this.

But to Xingyu—to the fact that Xingyu was always better than him, to the fact that Xingyu was always the only one his parents would ever consider, to the fact that that Xingyu said he loved him and then poisoned him and then said he loved him again and then left and then said he loved him—

He wasn’t resigned to any of that. It still tore him up inside. He still wanted to prove himself, not just to his parents, but to Xingyu. Prove that he couldn’t be hurt anymore. Prove that he didn’t need his love, didn’t want it, no matter if it was real or performative. Prove that he could take his place if he really wanted to, if he had the opportunity.

After Bai Xue left, Xiaokai showered for ten minutes. Then he got out, dried himself off, threw up in the toilet, and showered again, turning the water up as hot as it could go and standing underneath the stream even as it burned his skin.