“I told you that I set a timer.”

“Xingyu might come early.”

“Have you ever seen your brother arrive earlier or later than he was supposed to?”

“Never. But he was also gone for a long time, so who know what he got up to?”

Weiran kissed the back of Xiaokai’s neck again. “I love you,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah. Shut up.”

“I’m going to keep saying it until you say it back.”

“You want me to lie to you? Fine. I love you, Zhang Weiran. You’re the love of my life and I would—”

“I’m going to keep saying it until you say it back and mean it.” Another kiss, then another. “You smell good.”

“It’s hotel shampoo.”

“No, I think it’s just you.”

“It really is the hotel shampoo.” Xiaokai reached down, put his hand over Weiran’s where it rested against Xiaokai’s chest. “This isn’t really doing anything to erase Hu Yongzhu, you know.”

“What if I kissed you?”

“Mn. We could try that.” Xiaokai turned over, settled himself back into Weiran’s arms, and kissed him until he couldn’t breathe.

25

THE CONFESSION

THE TRUTH WAS, no matter how Xiaokai spun it, and no matter how much he teased and pretended to take it lightly, Liu Xiaokai had ruined Zhang Weiran.

Zhang Weiran was innocent in the way that Xiaokai and Xingyu never could be. Certainly, his family had been utterly destroyed by the List, but immediately afterward he’d been whisked away to live abroad, far beyond the reach of the List’s influence. The List ruined his family, but it hadn’t ruined him.

Xiaokai was the one who ruined him.

As much as it could be, Weiran’s attraction to Liu Xingyu was pure and innocent. He blushed when Xingyu teased him and was satisfied with loving him as long as he was happy. Even if the concept of “happiness” was totally foreign to Liu Xingyu, the fact that Weiran could love and demand nothing in return really was as pure as love could get when it was directed at the Liu family.

And Xiaokai ruined him.

He took that innocent love and he tore it apart. He stole Weiran. And in the process somehow Weiran had convinced himself that Xiaokai’s safety was just as important as bringing down the List. He’d gone too far. He had no idea how to pull back.

It would fade. He had to convince himself of this one small comfort; he couldn’t stand the thought that Weiran might really be in love with him forever like Weiran had insisted he would be. That was so much responsibility. What was he supposed to do with all of those feelings? How was he supposed to respond? He couldn’t just brush him off forever, and he definitely couldn’t keep sleeping with him like this.