“And the medication is for depression.” Xingyu didn’t know why Xiao-Xiao wasn’t making a bigger deal out of this.

“Lots of people have depression. Lots of people take medication for it.”

“After I found your pills, I looked up your medical records.”

Xiao-Xiao’s eyes snapped open again. He didn’t say anything.

“Xiao-Xiao. Why in god’s name did you try to kill yourself? What the hell happened?”

“Maybe the depression just got so bad I couldn’t stand it anymore.” His gaze was trained, absolutely steady, on a ceiling tile above him. “People kill themselves every day.”

“Not you. You told me after I poisoned you that you would do everything you could to bring me down. The person who made that declaration could never kill himself.”

“You don’t understand anything about desperation, Xingyu. A lot had changed since I said that to you. I’m sure most people who killed themselves also at some point had some kind of ambition. Maybe it’s the fact that they couldn’t follow through that made them kill themselves.”

“I hate you like this. Shouldn’t you be fighting back? Shouldn’t you be getting angry at me for going into your room without permission and looking into your medical records?”

“I don’t know what to tell you. I’m too tired to fight with you. Bai Xue did beat the hell out of me, you know.”

“Would you tell me if I was Zhang Weiran?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Maybe Xiao-Xiao didn’t know. He had no reason to be hyper-aware of peoples’ emotions—no reason to watch an expressive person like Weiran. Maybe he didn’t see the way Weiran looked at him—that soft smile and fond gaze, the way he used to look at Xingyu. “I just want to know what happened.”

“You know most of it already, Xingyu. Sun Yue trained me to be the perfect prostitute. When she felt like I was ready, she auctioned off my virginity to the highest bidder. I went to the appointment, got fucked, and then I came home and downed an entire bottle of pain killers. Unfortunately for me, Sun Yue was as dutiful as ever and came looking for me to set up the next appointment, and sent me to some ultra-discreet doctor to make sure I didn’t try the same thing again. Does that answer your question?”

Xingyu was going to throw up again. “I—” He closed his mouth, swallowed, tried again: “I’m—”

“If you’re going to say you’re sorry, just save it.”

Xiao-Xiao’s flippancy seemed to curb the nausea some. Xingyu swallowed again. “If I hadn’t left—”

“If you hadn’t left, then maybe you would have found my body first.”

“What? But I—”

“—wouldn’t have heard a word about anything until precisely that moment. I was getting the training while you were still home and you didn’t know a thing.”