“But I feel like I…well, that I got to know you, and one day I realized that I wasn’t comparing you to him anymore—that I was comparing him to you—and I keep thinking about all these nights you have to spend with these men that you hate, and I keep thinking about those bruises you had all over your body after I revealed myself to Liu Baiyan, and I—”

Xiaokai had a feeling he knew where this was going. Zhang Weiran was stuttering through his words like he had to drag the words out of his throat one by one, and though he was still holding Xiaokai’s face, he had yet to summon the courage to look him in the eye. “Weiran—”

“Well, I think that I would do anything to keep you from getting hurt again. I want it as badly as I want to bring down the List. And if that isn’t—if that isn’t love, then I don’t know what it is.”

There it was. Weiran’s eyes were wide, frozen. His hands trembled where they touched Xiaokai’s skin.

“I, uh—I know that you’ve just been sleeping with me because you wanted to forget what everyone else felt like and you thought that you were helping me get Xingyu out of my system, but I think I’ve decided that I’m going to take care of you no matter what, because you trusted me enough to be honest with me, and I—well.” He laughed, nervously. “I love you, Xiaokai. I’m in love with you.”

The cold from the ice had spread through Xiaokai’s thighs and numbed them. He could feel moisture from the melting ice gathering in the sheets below the palms that he was using to prop himself up.

“Are you going to say anything?”

“Do you want me to be honest with you?”

The space between Weiran’s eyebrows creased. “Of course.”

“Mn. Well, you falling in love with me was on purpose, for one.”

The crease got deeper. “What?”

“I told you that the best way to control someone was getting them to love you or getting them to have sex with you. It’s just a way to make sure that you’re devoted to me, to Xingyu, to bringing down the List. Don’t pay attention to it.” He reached up, patted Weiran on his soft hair. “It’ll fade with time.”

Weiran blinked at him. “I don’t—I don’t understand.”

“If you’re hurt, it’s okay. I don’t need you to forgive me.”

“No, I—I don’t care if you tried to make me fall in love with you. That doesn’t matter. I just don’t feel like it’ll fade.”