“It isn’t the real you,” said Weiran fiercely, and Xingyu almost laughed in surprise. In the past, calling him A-Wei would have ended the conversation almost immediately with A-Wei turning pink and ducking away. He must really be angry this time.

“And how do you know the real me?”

“I’ve known you for years! We went to school together. We lived together.”

“And yet you never knew this side of me. Just ask Xiaokai and he’ll tell you.”

“Is this about what he was talking about? What did he mean about practicing on people?”

Xingyu couldn’t meet his eyes anymore. Out of all the things he could have shared with Weiran, this was really the last thing he ever wanted to tell him. It was the thing he was most ashamed of—it was, in fact, the only thing he was ashamed of. It was the only thing that terrified him. Where do you think he learned how to use poison? Who do you think he practiced on?

He sat down on the hotel bed and put his head in his hands.

“Xingyu,” said Weiran.

“It’s…Ba wanted me to know how to kill people in case someone got in my way. He always said the best way was poison, so I had to do all this research…the last test he gave me was in combination with another lesson. Nothing is more important than the company, and all that. He told me that included family.”

“Xingyu.” Weiran’s voice cracked.

“He…ah…wanted to see if I was strong enough to kill my family if I needed to. The poison for himself and Laoma were basically akin to sugar pills, but he knew I wouldn’t have an issue with them, anyway. Xiao-Xiao was…” Did he really have to say this out loud? “Well, I couldn’t go through with it the first time, but then Ba insisted and kept saying that it was fake anyway…and it wasn’t. He lied. I found him in his bed covered in vomit and still vomiting up everything he had. Ba just stood next to me while I tried to save him and told me that what I was feeling was a consequence of growing attachments to things other than the company.”

“Oh…my god.” Weiran swayed where he stood. “Everything I said to him…”