And there it was. Out in the open. Her shock deflated the air out of the room. As the unnerving silence lingered, I wondered if she was even still there. I opened my eyes, glanced over at her. Mackenzie sat stunned, unblinking, her breath held.

“Please say something,” I begged.

“Wow, what can I say? You screwed your best friend’s husband. I don’t even know how to reply to that. What do you want me to tell you? That you really messed up? That you destroyed the marriage of someone who loves you like a sister? Lily, it’s unforgivable what you did. You realize that, don’t you?”

“Yes, I know I’m a horrible person. I know it’s unforgivable.”

“How did it happen?”

The question of the day—and I didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know. It just happened. Are you going to tell Robin?”

She didn’t answer at first. She wanted to make me sweat. And it was working too.

“No, I’ll keep your secret, Lil, because it’s not mine to tell. But you’re going to have to come clean at some point, because you owe her the truth. She’s your friend, and friends tell the truth even when it hurts.”

Was my friend, she should have said, because once I told Robin everything, I would lose her.

Mackenzie threw my feet off her lap, stood up, and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” I asked. She was angry. Beyond angry. Uncharted-territory angry.

“I can’t stomach being in the same room as you right now, Lil. Look, I’m glad you were honest with me, but Robin is the one you really need to confess to. Not right now, obviously. Let things with Willow get resolved. God knows Robin doesn’t need more to worry about. She’s already hurting enough.”

Mackenzie flung the front door open and tossed one last pitying look my way.

“I’m sorry, you know. I wish I could take it back,” I said. And it was true, but impossible. There was nothing I could do to repair the damage I’d done.

Mackenzie’s gaze turned flat and cold. “One of these days you’re going to regret pushing away the people who loved you most—first Tony, now Robin. They actually cared about you, but all you care about is the momentary high. Whether it’s the pills I know you’re still popping or the sex, it’s all fleeting. People aren’t, though. If you sabotage every good thing, you’ll have nothing left but a wasteland. I love you, Lil, but not enough to watch you self-destruct.”

She slammed the door behind her, and all I could think about was the orange bottle of pills containing my sweet release from this prison I confined myself in.

2015, PITTSBURGH, PENNSYLVANIA