Mac’s shrill voice dulled into the background as guilt slammed into me hard. It was all too much. I could barely listen to her without my skull splitting wide open. My head reminded me that I was due for another pain pill, but I couldn’t take it in front of Mackenzie. The moment it knocked me out, she’d be all judgy about it. I’d learned my lesson the last time she chastised me for hours about how painkillers were addictive, a gateway drug to something worse. But what was worse than this?

I leaned back, blindly feeling for the wall, then propped my head against it while my forearm covered my eyes from the sun streaking through the room.

“You okay?” Mackenzie asked. “You look like hell warmed over.”

“I’ve seen better days.”

“Lily.” Her voice turned all maternal, the way she spoke when she was prepping for a lecture. “I know you. Something’s not right.”

She thought this was about painkillers. She could offer to help me get through the withdrawal, keep me accountable on my path toward sobriety. If only it was that simple. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this was about being a home-wrecker. There was no quick fix for a family torn apart by infidelity.

“You can tell me if something’s going on.” Oh sweet, naïve Mackenzie.

Could I? Could I really tell her? Because more than anything I wanted release from the shame that constantly suffocated me in my own misery.

I rehearsed it in my head: I’m sleeping with Grant. No, if it didn’t sound right in my head, it wouldn’t sound right coming from my mouth.

“You’ll feel better once you talk about it. I promise.” She led me to sit down beside her, propping my feet on her lap. She patted my legs like I was her child, and it felt nice to be coddled for once. I was tired of having to play fiercely independent all the time. Sometimes a girl just wanted to be doted on.

Willow was missing, possibly because of me. I was in love with a married man. My drug addiction was eating me alive. And the self-hatred was gnawing on my remains. What else did I have to lose by confessing?

“Swear to keep this between us? No telling Robin. Or Owen.”

“I swear. What’s going on? It can’t be as bad as all the other crap going on.”

I chuckled mirthlessly. “Oh, it’s that bad. You’ll never forgive me.”

“Try me.” Mackenzie fixed her gaze on me, the same one Mamma used to give me. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look her in the face while I said it.

“I fucked Grant.”