“There hasn’t been a slew of women, by the way. Only one time with one person. That’s it. This dating app thing—I only just opened a profile. I was feeling . . . lonely, I guess. I needed a release after everything going on with Ryan and the debt. But you—or Anastasia—were the first person I connected with, and as you can see, I’m not very good at it.”

One time with one person. Was that worth divorcing over? Was it any worse than my spending problem?

My thoughts wandered to the home-wrecker. I wondered who she was. Was she prettier than me? Younger than me? Better in bed than me? Was it just sex or was there a meaningful emotional connection? Once I knew, I couldn’t unknow it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to carry that burden.

“So if it wasn’t me who showed up tonight, would you have slept with her?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I was tempted by the idea of it, only because I’ve just been a mess, totally inside my head all the time, stressed out over the money and everything going on. I just wanted to bang it out, you know? But you’re really the only person I want to bang it out with.”

I laughed. Not because anything about this was funny, but because the tension was so high I needed to loosen it. “That’s the most romantic thing you’ve said to me in months.”

He chuckled, but it held the regret of a guilty man.

“You have every right to be furious, Robin, to leave me. But I want to fix us, if you’ll forgive me. I want to try again, do better. But I need you to put us first just like I need to put us first. We need to connect physically, emotionally. And you need to stop going crazy with the spending. Are you willing to try again? To forgive me?”

He searched me with soulful eyes that had seen so much over the years. They had lusted after me in our youth. They had adored each baby I’d birthed for him. They took pride in me when I did something grand. They gave me comfort when I needed it. They sought wisdom from me during life’s big decisions. Was life worth living if Grant wasn’t watching?

I tossed back the rest of my drink, letting the smooth liquor run down my throat. Could I really forgive him for sleeping with another woman? Maybe I could forgive. But I could never forget.

Chapter 36

Mackenzie

SUNDAY EVENING

Detective Bill Rossi could smell the fear in me. I saw it in the way he aimed his beady eyes at me and lobbed question after question, trying to trip me up.