Barbara was sitting on Susan’s knee, her eyes closing. She opened them as I came into the room. I gave her the mug; she em­ptied it greedily and noisily. My hand under the mug, I watched her face for some sign of recognition. But only the Kia-Ora and Susan were real to her now. She let the mug drop; I caught it before it hit the parquet floor.

“Shall I take you up, darling?” I asked her.

She burrowed deeper into Susan’s arms. I kissed her on the forehead.

“Daddy’s back,” I said. “Sleep tight, pet.” But she was already asleep. I could not see her face, only the back of her head that like all young children’s was large in proportion to the rest of her body.

She might have been anyone’s child, I thought; and then as Susan carried her to the door, I stopped thinking. The decision had been made now; love had caught up with me at last. I had not been prepared for it to take quite this shape, I had not expected its demands to be quite so uncompromising, I had hoped at least for some kind of accolade, even if self-awarded. But I felt no different from before; I hadn’t changed, I wasn’t a better person, I had been given no new access of strength: I was alone in a big drawing-room with cream and gold wallpaper and a parquet floor, a drawing-room which despite its immaculate good taste had something of the melancholy of an old battlefield.

Susan came into the room and sat down on the arm of my chair.

“Don’t be hurt because she didn’t make a great fuss of you, Joe,” she said gently. “You’ve been away over a month. It’s like ten years to someone of Barbara’s age.”

“I’m not hurt,” I said. “She’ll soon get used to me again.”

She put her forefinger inside my waistband. “You’ve lost weight,” she said. “Mother said you weren’t looking well . . . Joe, what did she say to you?”

“A great many things,” I said.

“I didn’t send her, Joe.” She sat on my knee. “What did she say?”

“She told me Barbara wasn’t Mark’s daughter.”

She stiffened. “Ah Christ,” she said. “Joe, I wish I’d never told you the truth, but it’s no use denying it. Not now—”

I held her waist tightly.