I sat down in one of the high-backed chairs in front of his desk. The wall behind him was covered with framed certificates, sporting awards and newspaper clippings in which his grinning face was the common feature. Shaking hands with local councillors, standing next to trophy-laden captains of the school’s numerous sports teams, giving the thumbs-up with successful Year Eleven pupils on GCSE results day. And grinning, always grinning.

He finished typing, clicked on his mouse a couple of times, then leaned forward in his chair. He clasped his hands together on the desk in front of him.

‘So. Feeling better, Joe?’

‘Yes, much. Thanks.’

‘Good. That’s good. Migraine, was it?’

‘Food poisoning.’

‘Ah. The old Delhi belly. Nasty. You’re OK now, though?’

‘Yes. I’m OK.’

This is ridiculous. Here I am, my marriage on the critical list, getting pulled in by the police, and I’ve got to justify one day off sick. Hasn’t he got better things to do with his time?

‘Spent most of yesterday laid up, did you?’

‘Most of it.’

‘At home?’

‘Yes.’

‘You didn’t go out at all?’

So someone did spot me out of the house. I could bluff him, say they were mistaken, or I could just admit it.

The latter seemed a better option.

‘Felt a bit better in the afternoon. Went to pick my son up from school.’

He nodded slowly, fixing me with what he probably thought was a penetrating stare.

‘And how old is your son now?’

‘He just turned four in the summer. He’s in reception at St Hilda’s.’

‘It’s a good school. Good Ofsted.’

‘He seems to enjoy it.’

Draper leaned back in his chair, hands clasped in his lap.

‘Joe, do you know about my role at our school?’

‘You cover pastoral issues, disciplinary, staff development . . . other things.’

‘Other things. Yes. Do you know why I’ve asked to see you today?’

‘No, not really.’

‘You know I also deal with the PR side of things? The reputation of the school?’

In fact, I didn’t. I knew he did next to no actual teaching of real live pupils.

‘Of course. Reputation is important.’

‘You know the importance the head attaches to reputation, don’t you, Joe? Reputation is linked to parental choice, getting the right parents is linked to pupil achievement, which in turn is linked to the school’s reputation.’ He made a circling gesture in the air with his index finger. ‘It’s a virtuous circle.’

‘Sure.’

‘Or a vicious circle, depending on your point of view.’

‘Right.’

‘Reputation is really important to him, Joe. I mean super important.’

‘I understand. But I don’t see how me being off sick can affect the school’s reputation. I think on the whole my sickness record is good.’

‘Are you a fan of social media, Joe?’

‘A fan? I use it like everyone else, I suppose.’

‘Do you go on Facebook much, for example?’