She looked away from me and I thought she was going to cry again. ‘Oh God,’ she whispered, ‘oh God.’

‘What is it, Mel?’

She shook her head and said nothing.

‘Mel,’ I said again. ‘What is it?’

She paused for the longest time, gathering herself, gathering her strength. Seeming to come to a decision.

Finally she said: ‘I need to tell you something.’

‘OK.’

‘Something important.’

‘OK,’ I said again, the now familiar feeling of creeping dread worming its way into my stomach.

She closed her eyes. Swallowed. Took another deep breath.

‘Joe, I should have said this before, right back at the beginning. I wish I had.’

My mobile chimed loudly. A text.

Call me ASAP re: police

Peter Larssen 1.29 p.m.

‘Who’s that?’ Mel asked.

‘The solicitor, something about the police. It can wait.’

‘No, you should call him. Go on.’

‘Really?’

‘Of course.’

I dialled his number and got the engaged tone. Hung up, tried again. Same result. Put the phone back in my pocket.

‘Sorry, I interrupted you.’

She looked away from me. A moment ago it seemed she was about to open up, but now the shutters had come down, and her face seemed closed somehow.

‘It doesn’t matter now.’

‘You said it was important.’

She stared out over the lake, not looking at me.

‘I just wanted to say how sorry I am. For everything.’ Her voice was calmer, but tinged with sadness. ‘I really am truly sorry.’

‘I know that.’

She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, still staring out over the grey water of the lake.

‘Joe, do you think I’m like my mum?’

‘A little bit. You have her eyes, and her dimples of course.’

I always trod carefully on this subject. Even though it had been more than fifteen years ago, Mel still felt the pain of loss.

‘Not that.’

‘How do you mean, then?’

‘Sometimes I think however much we try to avoid walking the same path as our parents, we always end up repeating their mistakes. One way or another.’

‘We’ve talked about this. You’re not your mum. If you’re unhappy, I will help you find your own way. I will help you.’

She turned to me, put a gentle hand on my cheek.

‘Sweet Joe. You don’t deserve this, any of it.’

‘We’ll get through it, Mel. Together. The three of us.’

‘The three of us.’

I stood up, holding out my hand to my wife.

‘Come on. I’ll walk you back to your office.’

Chapter 55

55