I looked back at her, wondering how we had come to this. Wondering if I’d ever really known her at all. She couldn’t look me in the eye. Eventually I turned and looked out of the window again, out onto the street.

‘Do you think he’ll come here?’ I said. ‘To the house?’

‘Honestly? I have no idea. He’s a bit unpredictable when he’s angry or upset. I really don’t know what he’ll do.’

‘Well if you see him before I do, you call the police. OK? No messing about. And I’ll do the same.’

There was shouting coming from downstairs, muffled through the bedroom door.

‘Daddy! Daddy!’

I took the stairs two at a time and found William on the back of the sofa doing a headstand, propped against the wall with his feet halfway to the ceiling. His face was flushed red. The sofa itself was covered with dozens of cars.

‘Daddy! Look! I’m going upside down!’

In spite of everything I smiled, glad of the distraction. Today had turned into the worst day of my life – worse than when my parents split up, or the day I wrecked my sporting career – but my son still had the ability to make me smile, with his four-year-old craziness.

‘That’s good, Wills, now why don’t you come down for a minute and get back to normal.’

‘I am normal.’

‘The normal way up, I mean. So you don’t get dizzy.’

‘Don’t feel dizzy.’

‘Come on, matey. You’re very red in the face.’

I picked him up carefully and put him back on the sofa, right side up. He sat for a minute and got his breath back, his cheeks still flushed.

‘Do you want to play a game?’ I said. Anything to take my mind off Mel, and what I was supposed to do next.

‘What game?’

‘Footie in the garden?’

He thought for a moment.

‘Is everyone cross with Mummy?’

‘What do you mean, Wills?’

‘Alice’s Mummy is cross with her. You’re cross with her.’

‘No I’m not, Wills.’

‘You shouted at her.’

‘You heard that?’

He nodded solemnly.

‘You were mean to her.’

‘I did shout. I was just a little bit upset.’

‘What about?’

‘It’s gone now, it’s nothing.’

He rolled a car across the sofa.

‘Why were you mean to her?’

‘It’s grown-up stuff, Wills. We were both a bit mean to each other, but we’re OK now.’

He began lining the cars up on one of the sofa cushions.

‘Are you sad, Daddy?’

The question stopped me in my tracks. I swallowed painfully, tears springing to my eyes, and turned away so that William wouldn’t see.

What a godawful mess we have made, your mother and me.

‘No, matey. I’m fine.’ I gestured towards the back garden, wiping my eyes quickly. ‘Do you want to play football, then?’