John cleared his throat. “Sorry,” he said. “Well, I told him he wasn’t welcome in my house. Not when he was just using you. I put him on the one A.M., sent him right back where he came from.” He reached out and touched Elissa’s face. “I’m really sorry, Liss.”

“Goddamn it!” Jack said.

“I only found out this morning,” Wilma said. “Oh, Lissa, I know how much you liked him. I, myself, I waited up to make him that cocoa! He seemed like such a nice boy—”

Elissa broke away, pushed her way through the crowded foyer and into the bathroom, just in time to stumble to the toilet, vomiting and sobbing at once.

Her mother was waiting at the door when she came out. The foyer was empty, the service having started.

“Lissa,” Mary whispered, hugging her, quickly pulling away. “Oh, honey. Are you all right? You’re so pale.” She wiped her thumb against Elissa’s cheek, as if there were a tear remaining there. Elissa knew there wasn’t, though; she had cleaned herself up entirely, though of course she couldn’t get the red out of her eyes.

“I’m going home, Mother,” she whispered.

“That’s fine, honey,” Mary said. “I’ll go with you. And we don’t have to go to Grandma and Grandpa’s for dinner. I’ll make you whatever you want at home.”

Elissa nodded, pressing her lips together.

“Honey, don’t take this personally, all right? He—It’s just the way soldiers are, sometimes. You’re such a lovely girl, I’m sure he just—couldn’t help but want to spend time with you. These boys, they—take advantage sometimes.”

Elissa bit her lip. She wished she were the type of girl who could scream at her mother, “Be quiet! You aren’t helping!”

Instead, she said, “Mom, I’d like to be by myself, please.” Then she pushed her way past Mary and out of the church. The cold air felt good: clean, like maybe if she stayed out in it long enough, it would freeze away her anger, bitterness, self-castigation. And then she could start over again. Perhaps. She knew she had to, anyway. And next time I won’t be so stupid, she told herself, choking back a sob as she ran down the steps of the church, forgetting until she was almost home that she had missed the chance to pray for her brother, JJ, with the congregation. When she thought of that, she couldn’t hold back her tears any longer.

Chapter 32

Pine Rapids
Friday, March 5, 1943

My heart is broken and I don’t think I’m ever going to recover, Elissa had written in her diary that cruel February afternoon that she had learned the truth about Nick, flopped on her bed, leaning on her elbows and clutching a doll under her arm, snuffling back tears.