A bolt of fear lit her up inside. Truly, doubting herself had turned out to be the worst consequence of this whole, horrible situation. Up until she’d found them in the closet, Rosalina had believed she was nothing but loved and accepted. It had formed the very foundation of her sense of safety and security in the world.

Now, it had all been ripped from her, leaving her vulnerable and questioning herself. “I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I have to know. Were you faking it when you were with me? Imagining you were with Fabiana? You have to tell me the truth because it’s tearing me up inside.”

“Rosalina, stop. Stop doing this.”

“I can’t. It’s all I think about. I know I’m not wildly sexy, but it never mattered before because I thought we were happy. Now, I know we were just…complacent.”

“We’ve been together so long, and I think…I think Fabi was safe to lust after. I certainly couldn’t flirt with anyone else in St. Christophe.”

“So, it wasn’t her specifically? Fabiana doesn’t drive you wild?”

“No. She doesn’t.” He went quiet for a moment, and in that space, she knew she was hoping for some sparkling piece of insight that would make everything stop hurting so badly.

“When I was thirteen, my father took me camping,” he said. “I was excited to spend time alone with him, but that first night, he talked to me about my duty and his expectations. And I felt sick to my stomach because, while I’d always known I was going to marry you, it had been nothing more than a concept. But, in that moment, I understood that my crush on Angelica Brun could go nowhere. Obviously, I didn’t know about Ibiza raves and hookups yet. I just knew he’d put a lid on my life.”

“And you think it’s any different for me? You think I like always having to be on my best behavior? God, Marcel, I feel the same pressure. But I don’t have sex with you while fantasizing about another man.”

“I’m sure you must feel it, too, but you asked me why, and I’m trying to explain it the best way I can. All I can tell you is that, even though I’ve had my entire future mapped out for me, I’ve never met anyone I’d rather spend my life with than you. I’ve never visited another country I would rather live in than here. Even though they took away my choices, I have lived enough and fantasized enough to know that I want to marry you. I don’t love Fabiana. I was using her to live out a school boy fantasy. I know that sounds terrible, but I only figured it out after my life blew up.”