She sucked in a breath, which cut off his words.

“I’m sorry to be so blunt about it, but surely you’ve felt the same way over the years. We’ve grown up in the public eye, and we’re so good at doing what’s expected of us. And, while I like my life, there’s still a part of me that wanted to backpack through America, sleep in hostels, drink cheap wine, and hook up with strangers on trains.”

Every image rose clear and powerful, the alternate life they both might’ve lived had they been born into different circumstances. She loved her family. She truly loved the people of St. Christophe. But she’d never done any of the things Marcel had just described. She’d been so dutiful she hadn’t even allowed herself to fantasize.

Lusting after things she couldn’t have would lead to frustration, so she’d squashed them before they’d had a chance to bloom.

“I wish you’d told me, Marcel. Instead of turning to my assistant, why didn’t you just talk to me? I don’t think you understand what you’ve done. It’s bad enough that you cheated, but the worst part is that I’m now doubting myself. It’s all I can think about. Am I not sexy enough? Am I cold?” She supposed his silence was answer enough. “What is it about Fabiana? Is there a whole other side of her that comes out in the bedroom? Does she wear lingerie and have a sex toy drawer? I just don’t understand. Why, Marcel? Why did you do this?” She only realized she’d been shouting when she heard the scrape of a chair on the terrace next to hers, followed by the quiet snick of the French doors shutting.

I don’t care.

I don’t care who heard me. I just want answers.

“I don’t know what to say, other than the obvious. I got a thrill out of sneaking around. All those text messages and stolen moments? It was…exciting.”

“You said you don’t love her, but I heard your voices. You were both so…passionate.”

“It’s not love.” He said it wearily. “And I know it’s not, because now that it’s over I don’t miss her. I don’t long for her. All I feel is embarrassed and ashamed of myself for acting like a fool.” He let out a rough breath. “I just need you to know that I never had sex with her.”

“Oh, my God, you have to stop saying that. It makes me want to burn down everything in my path. You betrayed me, okay? There’s no other interpretation. You cheated on me with my friend.”

And the part that cut so deep she didn’t think she’d ever stop bleeding was that he’d never lusted after her.

Because I’m not sexy.