A small lady in glasses looked at them carefully.

‘Yes. What can I do for you?’ she said. She nodded at Yo-less.

‘Sambo’s with you, dear, is he?’ she added.

Chapter 6

The Olden Days

Guilty lay on top of the bags and purred.

Bigmac watched the traffic. There wasn’t a lot. A couple of women met one another as they were both crossing the street, and stood there chatting in the middle of the road, although occasionally one of them would turn to look at Bigmac.

He folded his arms over HEAVY MENTAL.

And then a car pulled up, right in front of him. The driver got out, glanced at Bigmac, and walked off down the street.

Bigmac stared at the car. He’d seen ones like it on television, normally in those costume dramas where one car and two women with a selection of different hats keep going up and down the same street to try to fool people that this isn’t really the present day.

The keys were still in the ignition.

Bigmac wasn’t a criminal, he was just around when crimes happened. This was because of stupidity. That is, other people’s stupidity. Mainly other people’s stupidity in designing cars that could go from 0–120mph in ten seconds and then selling them to even more stupid people who were only interested in dull things like fuel consumption and what colour the seats were. What was the point in that? That wasn’t what a car was for.

The keys were still in the ignition.

As far as Bigmac was concerned, he was practically doing people a favour by really seeing what their cars could do, and no way was that stealing, because he always put the cars back if he could and they were often nearly the same shape. You’d think people’d be proud to know their car could do 130mph along the Blackbury by-pass instead of complaining all the time.

The keys were still in the ignition. There were a million places in the world where the keys could have been, but in the ignition was where they were.

Old cars like this probably couldn’t go at any speed at all.

The keys were still in the ignition. Firmly, invitingly, in the ignition.

Bigmac shifted uncomfortably.

He was aware that there were people in the world who considered it wrong to take cars that didn’t belong to them but, however you looked at it …

… the keys were still in the ignition.

Johnny heard Kirsty’s indrawn breath. It sounded like Concorde taking off in reverse.

He felt the room grow bigger, rushing away on every side, with Yo-less all by himself in the middle of it.

Then Yo-less said, ‘Yes, indeed. I’m with them. Lawdy, lawdy.’

The old lady looked surprised.

‘My word, you speak English very well,’ she said.

‘I learned it from my grandfather,’ said Yo-less, his voice as sharp as a knife. ‘He ate only very educated missionaries.’