A moment later an older man entered the room, pulled me off the mortuary slab and lifted me onto a gurney so I could be wheeled into an adjacent room. The orderly then bathed my body and dressed me in a new, clean hospital gown. I knew then that they were getting me ready for the crematorium. The only thing I couldn’t fathom was why they hadn’t dressed me in my military fatigues. Was I always going to be treated as a patient? I couldn’t help but feel miserable.

Upon leaving the mortuary I was transferred to Bureau Chief Lü’s jeep. The seats were packed with cases of medicine, so I was laid on the floor. I guess they never realized that I wouldn’t be able to stay still. Needless to say, as the jeep bounced along the roads I was tossed this way and that; eventually, a box of medicine fell from its seat and pinned me to the floor. Bureau Chief Lü heard the thump and peered behind him to see if anything was amiss, but I guess he never noticed my unflattering position, or perhaps he didn’t care. This demonstrates, I believe, the differences between the living and the dead: if you are alive, even if it is the last moment of your life, no one would dare treat you like that. Conversely, if you are dead, and even if you have only been dead an instant, everyone treats you like dirt. Of course, the reason behind this unconcerned treatment of the dead is plain: so-called ‘humanity’ is only about protecting those like themselves; once they are dealing with a dead body ‘humanity’ is no longer an issue – they abandon what makes them living persons. In a sense, the living in this kind of situation are no better than the dead.

The jeep stopped and started, bouncing this way and that. Outside the window, the sky grew hazy. I had no idea where Bureau Chief Lü was taking me, but I knew it must be somewhere rather far away, definitely not in Hanoi. We passed by clamorous street after clamorous street. Then we seemed to be on some larger boulevard, speeding along as if we were the only vehicle on it. I was certain then that we had left Hanoi.

Could a city as large as Hanoi not have a crematorium?

Who was this Bureau Chief Lü?

Why had the hospital turned me over to him?

Where was he taking me?

For the whole journey, these questions plagued my mind.