Chen Sisi’s letter arrived even faster than I expected, but now it was here, now I could feel its weight in my hand, I could tell it was no ordinary letter. No doubt its contents included any number of means to dredge up my secret. I kneaded the letter between my fingers for what seemed like forever. I didn’t dare open it. Of course, a letter must be read, only … I needed to prepare myself for what was inside. To give me strength and to reinforce my defences, I took out Chen Erhu’s photo and last words and placed them in front of me. When I finally opened Chen Sisi’s letter I had Chen Erhu and his scrawled missive watching over me.

And so I began to read the letter from my former love. Once I had finished reading, however, I discovered that my concerns had all been for naught. From beginning to end, she didn’t once mention her father’s last words: it was almost as though she knew I was fearful of her raising the issue and so she deliberately did not. I began to suspect that perhaps she was unaware of what was in her father’s letter to me, so I telephoned Chen Sibing to ask. He told me that his father had made him promise not to tell a soul what the letter contained, not even his sister. That was how I was finally able to refuse Ah-bing’s demands. I told him, ‘Your father did this because he knew I wouldn’t be able to resist her interrogation, given our previous relationship, and so he deliberately concealed the situation from her.’

Once Ah-bing had listened to my explanation, he seemed to come to some kind of conclusion. He sighed and said, ‘So that’s how it is.’ Then he hung up. I knew he wouldn’t ask me about the secret again. That was good. Very good.

The only thing I didn’t expect was how long Sisi’s letter was. Over eighteen pages, every page filled out completely, not like a letter at all. Looking at it, seeing the slight changes in handwriting, it was easy to see that she had written it over several days, the final day being the twenty-fifth of March, the same day I received the first phone call from her brother. Its contents read more like a novel than a letter. You could say that the pages were soaked with emotion; the narrative was exciting and very moving.

The Letter: Day One