He had been a special agent, and under no circumstances would he show the predicament in which he had been placed; he used his hearty laugh to disguise his shock. I don’t need to tell you that Director Tie had no idea that the person Huang Yiyi wanted to take away was me, and I … he knew that Xiaoyu was still alive and so I wouldn’t go. Therefore he cunningly changed tack and left it all up to me. There was no need to do that, because Huang Yiyi already knew my real circumstances. And it was for that reason that Huang Yiyi was very unhappy when she heard what Director Tie had to say, and was angry enough to add a final sentence: ‘Don’t laugh, sir: if anything you should be crying.’ Then she rushed out.

Director Tie watched her leave, and immediately started to worry whether I had told her the truth about Xiaoyu. After I confirmed his suspicions, he was so furious that he let forth a savage stream of invective. Of course it was top secret and I had had no right to tell anyone, at any time, under any circumstances. I had escaped from Huang Yiyi’s clutches by telling her a secret, and now I was going to be punished for it. Naturally I had realized long ago that if I hadn’t told her the truth, she would never have had an affair with Comrade Wang. Wang was absolutely right when he said in his letter that he was a scapegoat for me: he was Huang Yiyi’s Parthian shot, her revenge, her response to my refusal, and in the process both jade and stone were crushed, and two people were irreparably damaged. I had no idea though that my actions would also harm Huang Yiyi again in the future. That is the next step in this story.

Whatever happened, I had to go on playing the part of Xiaoyu’s inconsolable widower, and so I had to go back to my home town to hold a funeral for her ‘ashes’. The evening before I set out, Huang Yiyi came to see me, and told me that she wouldn’t be there when I got back: she was returning to Beijing, and wanted to say goodbye. I told her not to go, to stay and take over from Chen. She didn’t say a word, but took out the Russian doll that I had given her, and said, ‘This stays here, not me.’ Then she walked out without saying goodbye.

I watched her depart in this cold, unfriendly mood, and then collapsed onto my suitcase. I didn’t move for a long, long time …

27

Young man, sometimes love makes you suffer much more than hate. I didn’t sleep at all last night … I couldn’t sleep, because all the things I have to tell you from now on are really painful.

They caused me a lot of pain.