The two Mr Seatons quickly lifted the dresser again and I slid the bruised digit out from beneath it. Mr Huff watched on, impassively, still hiccuping.

‘Have you tried taking a deep breath?’ Ross Seaton wondered.

‘Sorry?’ Mr Huff glared at him.

‘A deep breath. Have you tried holding your breath? Carbon dioxide kept for any kind of extended duration inside your lungs automatically releases your diaphragm.’

(Mr Seaton was once a science teacher.)

‘Of course I’ve hic! tried holding my hic! breath!’ Mr Huff snorted.

‘How long have you been hiccuping?’ Jeremy Seaton enquired.

‘Six or hic! seven hours hic!’ Mr Huff answered, scowling.

‘My grandmother once hiccuped for twelve days.’ Jeremy shrugged.

Mr Huff looked impressed, in spite of himself.

‘Then she dropped dead,’ Jeremy added.

‘Exhaustion.’ Ross nodded. ‘But she was eighty-five and suffered from severe angina.’

‘Shimmy often gets hiccups,’ I volunteered, ‘and I generally get him to sip on a glass of water.’

‘Eight or nine quick little gulps in a row,’ Ross concurred, ‘so the rhythmic contractions of the oesophagus override the spasms in the diaphragm.’

‘That was hic! the first hic! thing I tried hic!’ Mr Huff confessed.

At this point, Mrs Seaton arrived (Joyce in tow). She instantly assessed the situation.

‘Have you tried pushing your right thumb into your left palm and then pressing the palm really hard?’ she wondered.

Mr hic! Huff hic! instantly hic! attempted to hic! follow hic! her instructions.

‘No, not …’ Mrs Seaton (dissatisfied with his technique) strode over to him, grabbed his hand and showed him exactly what to do.

‘Now press really hard for about ten seconds.’

Mr Huff tried his best to oblige her. He looked ashen, painfully thin and seemed quite unsteady on his feet. My heart – in spite of itself – went out to him.

Alas, Mrs Seaton’s hic! technique hic! didn’t quite work on Mr Huff. Hic! Mrs Seaton hic! was nonplussed. ‘That always gets rid of mine.’ She shrugged, then, after a pause: ‘Did you know you’ve got some kind of pinky-orange liquid splashed all across your cheek?’

Mr Huff scowled and put up his hand to feel his face.

‘No. Over there …’

Mrs Seaton indicated with her finger. Mr Huff tried, once again, to hic! locate it, but failed. Mrs Seaton quickly lost patience with him, pushed her hand into her trouser pocket, withdrew a tissue, spat on it and applied it to Mr Huff’s hic! cheek.

I tried to repress a smile. This wasn’t lost on Mr Huff.

‘I’m glad you hic! seem to find hic! such evident hic! delight in my hic! various misfor – hic! – tunes Miss hic! Hahn!’ he hissed.

‘Stick your fingers in your ears for twenty seconds,’ I suggested.

‘Why? hic!’ Mr Huff demanded, paranoid. ‘So you hic! can all hic! make hic! fun of me hic! on the hic! sly?!’

‘Better still, apply steady pressure to the soft areas behind your earlobes,’ Ross Seaton added, ‘just below the base of the skull; that’ll send a powerful relax signal via the vagus nerve to the diaphragm.’