He sneezes. Baldo sneezes. That’s all. But this is more than enough! King’s keen, evil, almost handsome beetle-black eyes fly open. He glances over towards Baldo. Baldo sneezes again. Then slowly, very deliberately, he raises his crest and pushes out his chest.

King watches, fascinated, as Baldo lowers his head and performs a little half bow, then clears his throat and snaps his beak together in preparation for …

[Baldo noise.]

‘Wang! W-w-w-w-w-ang! W-w-w-w-wing!’

Baldo shakes himself violently and then tries again.

[Baldo noise.]

‘Wing-wing! Wing-wing!’

[Terrible impersonation of phone! Pathetic attempt at phone mimicry!]

King is astonished at Baldo’s pathetic attempt at phone impersonation. He squawks with untrammelled mynah-bird hilarity!

[King speaks.]

Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

‘But impersonation is the greatest form of flattery, King, clever King, handsome King!’ This is the message Baldo’s cloying, keen-to-please posture seems to exude.

[Again.]

‘Wing-wing! Wing-wing! Wing-wing!’

King watches Baldo, his shiny eyes brimming with scorn. Does Baldo not know that mynahs are the greatest of all the bird mimics? Does Baldo – this foolish parrot – not know that to impersonate is the very core, the very life-blood of the mynah? Yes, yes, parrots are reputed to be great mimics in their own right, but come on, we are talking an entirely different class of mimicry, here! A cat might look at a … a … well, a King!

In fact – in fact the sound of Baldo’s pathetic phone mimicry (which continues on, laboriously, as King watches, scornfully, feathers gradually inflating with self-regard) slowly begins to grate on the nerves of the talented mynah. It’s so very wayward! So ill-conceived! So mortifying! So badly done!

[King speaks.]

‘Ruko!’

[‘Stop!’]

[Then again.]

‘Ruko!’

[‘Stop!’]

But Baldo continues trying – in a kind of avian frenzy – to humiliate and degrade himself.

[Baldo speaks.]

‘Wing-wing! Wang-wing! Wong-wang! Wong-wung!’

King has no hands to place over his monarchical ears, but if he had, he would be firmly affixing them to the spot, right now, to try and alleviate the impact of this horrible cacophony.

No! No! This is impossible! This is … it’s degrading! To all mimics! To all birds. To all sounds! I say again, to all sounds! It’s terrible! Baldo must stop! [Ruko!] Doesn’t he understand …? Can’t he …?

What else can King do, under the circumstances, but show Baldo how it should be done? Eh?

[King speaks.]

‘Ring-ring! Ring-ring!’

[Baldo responds, as if energized by King’s intercession.]

‘Wing-wang! Wing-wang!’

No! King will not countenance the sacred ‘ring’ performed inadequately! Doesn’t this idiot parrot see what a violation this awful display is of all competent mimicry?

[King rings.]

‘Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring!’

[Baldo ‘wings’ in direct competition with King.]

‘Wing-wing! Wing-wang! Wing-wong!’

King is indignant! He simply has no alternative but to ‘ring’ until Baldo is vanquished.

[King rings.]

‘Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring! Ring-ring!’

King grows quite delirious with his ringing! Soon Baldo falls silent and just watches the ‘Ring Master’ at his work, in apparent awe.