But before I could say anything else, she bolted, jogging down the block and turning the corner into the darkness of the city. And with her went the opportunity to tell her the one thing I wanted say more than anything: I love you too.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Franny

It’s funny how just when you think you know what your brain’s going to do, it goes and does the opposite. I thought I was going to spend the night tossing and turning, replaying my interaction with Hayes over and over again. Instead, the second I got home, I crashed. I kicked off my dress and climbed into bed without brushing my teeth. I’d left the party immediately after we spoke, so high and wired from the adrenaline rush of telling him the truth and apologizing that my body just took off for the subway. But then the second it was done and I was back home, something in me hit the mental OFF switch and I passed out before it was even ten o’clock.

And when I woke up at 5 a.m. with a jolt, I didn’t feel a drop of regret for what I had said. There was nothing to take back, or do over and change. Who knew it would be this liberating to be honest and up-front, not just with Hayes but with myself?

His silence, though, had stung. I’d wanted him to get down on his knees, declare his adoration, say all of the things that I needed to hear. Instead he’d just stood there. Maybe he didn’t feel the way I wanted him to, and I guess it was time to accept that. But even though his reaction hurt, I’d done exactly what I wanted to do, and I felt absolutely at peace with all of it. It didn’t mean I wasn’t still desperately sad without him, and his shockingly funny jokes and his adorable dorkiness and the way he kissed my neck in the dark like it was something to be cherished, and not just a weird blob of skin that connected my body to my head. I missed everything about him. But I also knew that I was going to be okay. And knowing that felt good.