I closed my eyes and chose a page at random. Went to see Flashdance with Michelle tonight and now I want to get my hair permed . . . I shut it. Couldn’t do it. The loops and swirls of her writing. Her voice. Her ghost. It went back in the case. Click left, lock. Click right, lock. And I pushed it even further back under the bed than before.

As I re-emerged, a knock at the door startled me, causing me to bang my head against the frame. When I looked up, rubbing my crown, Dale was standing in the room.

He walked over towards me, dropping his bag on the floor halfway. ‘What are you up to?’

‘Nothing . . . I . . . I was just sorting some stuff out. You’re back early?’ I remained on my haunches, unsure of how much of a state I looked.

He flopped onto the bed. ‘Yeah, well, you know the drill. Mum’s a control freak, Dad’s a bigot, and I’m a huge disappointment . . . Is that vodka?’ When I managed to stand, he was holding the bottle in his hand like a disapproving parent. ‘You’re trashed again, aren’t you? Why are you trashed on your own at home?’

I snatched the bottle from him and placed it under the bedside table. ‘I’m not trashed. I’ve just had a bad day, that’s all.’

He dropped back onto the duvet. ‘Yeah, well, we all have, but there’s no need to be an alchy about it.’

It’s funny that after all the things that had occurred, it was those words that finally broke the dam. ‘I’m not a fucking alchy . . . Don’t say that . . . You shouldn’t say that.’

Forty-per-cent-proof tears stung my face. Strings of snot and saliva quickly formed. I watched Dale’s horrified expression as he stood, grasped that I was crying.

‘No . . . no, I was only joking, Constance. I’m sorry . . . What’s wrong? Talk to me.’ He engulfed me in his arms, rocked me back and forth, kissing my hair.

My instinct was to shrug him off, but I soon gave in to the sensation. It was warm, comforting.

‘Hey . . . come on . . . Tell me what’s wrong.’

I had two choices. The truth or a lie. So I did the right thing.

‘It was the funeral . . . It’s brought everything back. I miss her so badly, Dale.’

Not a lie. Just not the entire truth. But you know all about that, don’t you?

I unglued my wet face from his shoulder. ‘They all leave me. Everyone I love.’

He drew back, took hold of my arms and jolted me to look at him. ‘Hey . . . not me. I’m not going to leave you.’

‘You say that, but—’

‘But nothing.’ He entwined his little finger around mine. ‘Promise.’ He smiled.