You were my life, but when I’m gone, you mustn’t make me yours. I know it’s going to hurt. And if I could stay, I would, but the thing is, I’m holding you back, baby girl. You mustn’t follow in my footsteps. I am weak and foolish, and you are not. You are strong and clever and special, and I need you to know that. To always remember that.

Yesterday, when I sat in his chair, I realized how stupid I’d been. What a waste it all was. The reason his chair was empty was because he didn’t want to sit in it. If someone doesn’t want to sit in your chair, Constance, you let them go and sit where the fuck they like, because you’re better off without them – they don’t deserve you, do you hear me? Promise me you’ll never let a man take away your happiness.

Whether I’m here or not, you have all the love you need. It doesn’t disappear. No one can love you as much as I do, and I’ll always be there. Following you, getting on your nerves. I won’t be feathers, because as you know birds terrify me, but I’ll be something. I’ll be snow.

Thank you, my baby. For everything. This isn’t goodbye. We don’t do goodbyes. But there’s no need to write more because we know it all anyway. Nothing could be more than us.

Mum x

Acknowledgements

I’ll start with my wonderful agent Jo Williamson of Antony Harwood. Thank you for randomly seeing a tweet, messaging me and then actually liking the book. I am so grateful for your honesty, kindness and support. I know I am blessed to have you as an agent.

Thank you to my publisher Wayne Brookes. For not only having such belief in the book, but for eradicating every fear I’d had about the publishing process by being so approachable and hilarious and warm and lovely. I lucked out big style and I can’t thank you enough.

So much thanks to my editor Alex Saunders whose insight, hard work and enthusiasm helped make the book the best it could be. I suspect he’s never had so many conversations with an author about contraception and car sex. But the fact those conversations weren’t utterly horrendous says everything!