Edward insists there was a light. I thought he was talking rubbish at first – ‘Jesus, couldn’t you come up with something a bit more original?’ I said. But he swore he wasn’t bullshitting. Reckons he hovered over his own body, watching them at work. Is that what happened to you? Did you see me, standing over your distorted body? Crying, before fleeing?

I started to truly believe when I saw the change in him. When he’d talk about Amy, his anger, sorrow, was replaced with what I can only describe as enlightened joy. She was there, you see. Sat on the stairs. Waiting for him, he says. But what confirmed it was that he saw me too. Praying before running away. So it must be true. He knows he’ll see her again. And in turn I know I’ll see you. And Mum. And possibly Dad.

Edward will never let me live it down, of course. ‘You owe me at least fifty cups of tea for abandoning me.’

‘As if I don’t make you fifty cups of tea a week anyway,’ I told him.

It’s made the whole concept of death less frightening to me. Appealing even. Knowing I’ll be with you again. Her. Knowing you’re both there. Somewhere. Waiting for me.

I’ve decided I don’t want her to see me sad anymore. It must have been breaking her heart watching me. I can’t imagine anything worse than seeing your child suffer. I’ve been working with Dr Franco on it for a while, and he thinks it’s about time that I read the diaries, or more specifically her last one. The last entry. He thinks it will help me move on with my life. By not avoiding it. That facing it will stop it weighing me down. So tonight’s the night. I said I would, once I’d finished this letter. This exercise. I’m nervous but ready.

As you can see, things are getting better for me. Like I said at the start, I’d intended to join you both soon after that night, but I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready and didn’t want to leave Edward. I hope you understand. Though he won’t be here forever. I can’t believe how much I enjoy looking after him. He looks after me too, in his own way. Teaches me stuff, makes me feel safe again.