‘Thank you,’ I whispered towards the ceiling. And so I had no choice but to stick to my word and let you go. Move on.

Kissing Dale wasn’t as repellent as I’d predicted.

He was gentle and not as generous as I’d expected with his saliva. Although, the residue from his sweat moustache did carry a saltiness I hadn’t experienced before.

The problem was, any activity that involves closed eyes enables imaginations to wander elsewhere. I’d tried so hard to lock you away and had almost succeeded, but one day, when Dale was kissing me outside our front door, I dropped back off the step, hurting my foot.

‘Oh God, it’s not a hospital job again, is it?’ he said.

And that was it. You’d invaded my thoughts and remained there as his lips locked back onto mine, making the whole thing more enjoyable.

From then on I allowed you into my mind only. Thoughts couldn’t harm. Only acting on them. However, even with those musings, sex with Dale was difficult.

I’d put it off for as long as possible. Initially saying I wanted to take things slowly. Then pretending I had my period. Then when the phoney one was reaching its end, my real one arrived.

But a couple of weeks in we’d been to Connolly’s. He was drunk, I was relaxed on brandy (to remind me of you, of course), and it seemed as good a time as any to get it out of the way.

‘I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted this.’ He lifted my jumper off over my head, then smoothed his hands around my back. Although he stopped kissing, his mouth remained over mine as he concentrated on blindly unhooking the clasp of my bra. His breath hot, tainted with beer and cheese-and-onion crisps. Feeling his impatience, I reluctantly reached up behind and assisted. He searched beneath the bones. My bones.

‘What’s wrong? You don’t seem very—’

‘Nothing . . . nothing. Let’s move over here.’

I led him to my bed, then turned and said, ‘Actually, let’s go to your room.’

‘We’re here now.’ He lurched towards me.

‘But it’s so much nicer in your room.’

‘OK . . . OK, sure.’

‘You go . . . I’ll see you in there in a minute.’

Dazed, he gathered up his shirt, which I hadn’t even realized he’d removed. ‘Hurry up, though.’ His face glowed red. I smiled at him till he left.

Alone, I sat in silence. It’s just sex. That’s all. Reached under the bed for some Dutch courage from Vladimir. Russian courage. Then removed my jeans and knickers. Washed down there. Put on some clean ones, put my bra back on properly and covered everything up with my old towelling robe. Then I grabbed my fags and lighter, and made my way to his room.