I looked down at that face and felt something go far away from me. “I might as well be,” was all that I could say.

V

SHE WAS SITTING ON THE SOFA and I was back in my cushioned chair when Gerald and his date came in, early. We had not spoken to each other for almost twenty minutes when they came. Gerald called me out into the kitchen. “Man, I got fucked up tonight,” he said.

“What happened?”

“This is her night to be a bitch. She won’t do anything.”

“I thought you were going to a movie?”

Gerald looked at me, disgusted. “I never take a bitch out until afterwards. First we go to my apartment. That way if she won’t go, I save my money.” He looked as if I should have known that. And I should have, since I know him.

“How did you make out?”

“O.K.,” I said.

“Did you get over?”

I considered my reputation and esteem in Gerald’s eyes. “No,” I finally said.

“You weak cat!” he said. “I told you that chick belongs to everybody. A real community chest. I told you, play it cool. Don’t pull that longcoat shit on her.”

“I know,” I said.

“And you just blew it?”

“Yeah.”

“You know your trouble?” Gerald said. “You’re trying to be a martyr.”

“That’s me,” I said. “A martyr.”

He thought for a minute. “Look man,” he said, “do you want it or not?”

“No,” I said flatly.

“Do you mind if I take it?”

“How can you when she hates you?”

“That bitch? She isn’t smart enough to hate anybody.”

“What about the other girl?”

“I’ll take Gloria out when she goes to bed. Don’t worry about it.”

I just looked at him.

“Now watch this,” he said. He went to the refrigerator and searched the bottom drawers until he found a large, thick cucumber. “Come on,” he told me, slamming the refrigerator door. He led me back into the living room. Both girls were now sitting on the sofa and the proximity was making Gloria a dog again. Gerald sat in my chair directly in front of them and I stood against the wall and watched. Gloria made a point of not looking at me.

Gerald put the big cucumber in his lap and commenced to tell his penis jokes. I knew them all from drinking beer with him. In a few minutes both girls were laughing with Gerald. I looked at Gloria. She was laughing much harder than the other girl or even harder than Gerald, who always laughs loudest at his own jokes. And even when the other girl said, “Oh come on, Jerry, that joke’s as old as the hills,” Gloria was so convulsed with laughter that she could not stop herself or stop the tears which were flowing from her eyes.

VI