Actually, I’m working on a pitch for my own reality TV show, in which middle-aged mums abandon all logic and fall in love with unobtainable men, and make total fools of themselves, alienating their beloved sisters in the pathetic process.

Anyway, if you have it in your hearts to forgive such a person and meet up for a drink, I’ll be in the Sandy Bay beach bar this Friday, where I’ll be buying the drinks and eating my words (yum!). Oh, and, by the way, you’ll actually be buying, as both my cards have been cancelled after being overdrawn when I paid for a very expensive cruise for three. Thanks for reimbursing me, which you didn’t need to do. But it’s just as well you did, as my reality cheque has bounced. If I don’t find employment soon, I may have to sell the children.

Bring nothing but love (and credit cards), and prepare to slag off the boss who hasn’t taken me back yet. We will drink to my excellent new future, in whichever fast food joint offers me a job first.

Love, Ruby

P.S. I am actually thinking of starting up a toy boy boutique for women of a certain age, with a man buffet, shopper loyalty cards and time-share husbands. They’d have to be trained in an appreciation of Jane Austen, be emotionally intelligent and good at massage. What do you think – my next start-up? To discuss.

Amber was the first to send a reply via our sisters Messenger group. Someone has clearly stolen your Prozac. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.

Emerald’s sarcastic message said simply Who is this?

I tried again. Emerald, I know you’re super busy. If it’s easier I could come around to your place?

Emerald: No. My dog hates you. He’ll probably bite your legs, and you can’t afford to lose any more length there.

Me: Are you two going to meet me for a drink?

Amber: Thanks, but I’m completely knackered from all the Christmas party catering. I dress like Iris Murdoch these days so don’t want to be seen in public. I’m turning down all invitations too, except to book club. Do you remember Leyla Khoury from school? I’ve just joined her club, as well.

Emerald: You seem to be booked up for a book club every bloody night. It’s a wonder you have any time to read.

Amber: At least I don’t only read wine labels like someone I could mention.

Me: Instead of discussing the book, you could just discuss why you didn’t have time to read it. Or maybe start an abridged book club or a pamphlet club for busy working mothers.

Amber: What I want to discuss is if you’re okay, Ruby.