I felt haloed in happiness. When Brody kissed my neck, I floated so far above cloud nine I could have waved to the International Space Station.

Who had I become? I didn’t know myself. I was making love like a wild hippie girl, with my hair flinging around. I was also sneaking around behind my sisters’ backs. If they thought I was behaving oddly, they put it down to my ‘condition’ – which I still hadn’t got around to debunking. I know. Bad, bad sister! I wanted to confess but had left it so late now that it was doubly embarrassing – ‘Sorry dearest sisters. But you know me! I was going to procrastinate but didn’t quite get around to it.’

Justifying my behaviour to myself required contortionist levels of cognitive flexibility – let alone being able to explain it to anyone else. Mind you, my sisters didn’t seem perturbed. That’s because they were blissfully busy with their own pursuits – Emerald swinging from the chandelier with a toy boy between her teeth and Amber obsessing over both the quiz and the cuisine.

After breakfasting with Emerald and Amber I would pretend to have spa appointments, then would meet Brody between his patients. After dinner with my sisters, I would feign a yawn and stretch luxuriously, all the sooner to get back to him. Boris and Flabba (whose real name, I had discovered, was Joshua), the loyal crew members Brody had saved from public humiliation at the hands of the creepy entertainment officer, happily acted as lookouts and decoys when needed.

After having sex all night, I would creep out of Brody’s cabin at dawn, vowing not to have sex with him again until I’d sorted my life out – I was, after all, still a married woman – then, ten minutes later, I’d be back, knickers at half-mast, legs wrapped around his waist, my whole body a quivering wreck. Self-discipline, that’s what I’m famous for, I’d chide myself while nibbling his neck. But somehow all that mattered was that Brody keep on doing what he was doing. And then do it again.

When we weren’t together, we texted like infatuated teenagers.

Brody: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways: 1. From behind. 2. From the side. 3. . . .’

Me: That was mind-blowingly good. I’m coming straight back to give you a standing ovation.

Brody: Meeting you is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I feel as if I’ve been shot in the backside by a rainbow. Jesus, Ruby. I think I’m falling for you.

Me: Thank god. I was beginning to worry that all of this hot sex was for nothing.