He nods, his face twisting into a wry smile. “Makes sense, makes sense,” he says. “Just hoping you don’t hold it against me or my man Mikey. It was an honest mistake, and I will atone however you would like. Seriously. You can take that to the bank.”

“Um, okay,” I say, perplexed. Why would I hold that against Mikey? And why is Ed following up on this now? He apologized after it first happened.

“Also, I wanted to ask how you might be feeling about my good friend Mikey,” he says, half sitting on the arm of one of the seats at the edge of an aisle. I stare at him in bewilderment.

“What?”

“Mikey. You know. Tall, dark, handsome,” he says, waggling his eyebrows.

“Yeah, I’m familiar with him.”

“I wanted to put a good word in for him because my man is cool and funny and would totally hold your purse and shit, but he’s also shy as hell.”

I’m sorry, do I look like someone who needs another person to hold their purse? I don’t even own a purse. I would point this out to Ed, but he’s on a roll and doesn’t seem to need my input to continue this conversation.

“So if you would maybe feel inclined that way, he would definitely be down for a movie, or coffee, or . . .” He pauses, glancing around like the air is going to present his next words to him. “Hanging.”

Oh. He’s saying that Mikey likes me. Maybe? God, I hope I’m wrong. “Sorry, Ed,” I say. “I don’t think so.”

“The man is a catch!” Ed says, with all the intensity of a stoned used-car salesman. “He calls his grandma all the time. He can name seventy-five Pokémon off the top of his head, so . . .” He taps his temple twice. “Good memory. And he has the voice of an angel. What more can you want?”

I really hope Mikey never has Ed write a dating profile for him. Or try to set him up ever again, because this is weird and misguided. “Ed, I—” I start, but Ed continues talking.

“Just consider it,” he says, staring at me intently.

“Ed—”

“For real. You don’t have to tell me yes or no now, but I hope I’m, you know, planting the seed.” He does a hand motion that looks more like throwing a basketball than planting a seed.

“Ed, I’m a lesbian!” I snap, because I clearly said no, and he’s pissing me off. Ed’s mouth opens and closes once, but no sound emerges. He nods thoughtfully, looking as though he’s putting together a difficult puzzle in his head.