She isn’t wrong. If she had focused on terraball, instead of going for the more well-rounded resume her parents wanted, I think she could have had a shot at being recruited. But sports recruitment for licensing colleges is even more cutthroat than regular admissions, so I get why her parents didn’t want her to do that.

SHAY: don’t stress yourself out thinking about stuff you could have done differently. you will get into college!!! you’re the most amazing witch I know

SHAY: these colleges are clearly confused about my bestie. if they were smart they would obviously have let you in already. let me know who I need to talk to so I can fix this mistake

SHAY:

LEX: love you

My heart hurts for Lex. Magic is supposed to be the great American equalizer, the thing that makes sure everyone who works hard enough gets to succeed. I know how hard Lex has tried, and she deserves to go to a licensing college. Except it’s not working out that way.

This whole conversation with Lex feels like a sign. It’s a terrible reminder of what my future could look like without the scholarship. Watching her not get into college last year was devastating. I can’t go through that myself. I take a deep breath and press send on the email to Mr. B with my application draft. He responds immediately, even though it’s almost midnight. The email reads:

I’ll get this back to you by tomorrow afternoon. We’re a little under the wire here, but I’m sure we’ll be able to polish this up in time for Thursday.

As I send him a quick thank-you email, my phone buzzes with another text. I assume it’s something from Lex, but when I look, it’s a message from Ana. I dismiss the notification.

Spending time with Ana this week has been torturous. That mushy feeling I got from thinking about her before has turned into something jagged and sad. Now I’m stuck in this strange limbo where I can’t quite bring myself to avoid her, but I have this sense of doom hovering over me every time we’re together. I keep catching her staring at me like I’m a homework problem she can’t make sense of. As if things weren’t hard enough, I have to keep avoiding Lex’s questions about me and Ana, since I don’t have the emotional energy to get into this whole thing right now.

During rehearsal on Wednesday, Ana and I sit in the back of the auditorium together. Mr. B is rehearsing a song we’re not in, so we’re doing homework. Or at least I am. Ana has been staring at me pensively for the last few minutes. “You know you’re acting weird, right?” she says finally. “Did I do something?”