Jackson took a big sip of his coffee and went, “You know, don’t you?” Again, I tiptoed. I wasn’t sure if Jackson was the villain here or what. Maybe he was the reason Amir left. Maybe he had made Amir believe that our family wouldn’t love him. Jackson took one more sip, then chugged the rest of his drink and said we should go for a walk.

We found a bench in a park and sat down. Jackson kept taking deep breaths, looking around, shaking his knee. I had a feeling I knew what was going on at this point, so I asked: “Jackson, were you my brother’s boyfriend?” He broke down. I couldn’t believe it, this football player, his hands covering his face. He told me he hadn’t ever talked to anyone about this, any of this—no one knew that he was gay except for Amir. But they had stopped talking a couple of months before graduation.

I asked Jackson why they stopped talking. He said Amir just stopped texting him, made up excuses and stopped wanting to hang out. He knew something was wrong. Jackson thought maybe it was something at home, because when he asked if it had to do with his parents, Amir got really snappy. He said Amir couldn’t even look at him.

The last thing I asked Jackson on that park bench was “Did you love my brother?” Jackson thought for a bit, and then he said, “I loved how he made me feel.”

I asked, “How was that?”

He said, “Like myself.”

Interrogation Room 37

Amir

WHAT’S MY RELATIONSHIP with my sister like? I love her. I admire the hell out of her. I think she’s the most talented person I know.

The first time I saw my sister in a musical, she played one of the boys in Newsies, and I’m telling you, she was electric up there. The way she tapped her feet on that stage, tipped her hat, the way her face was dirtied up but glowing the entire time—it was unforgettable. That was four summers ago. She did The Music Man the next summer, Honk! the summer after that, and then last summer, because we were moving, she wasn’t able to do a musical. That’s why I was so happy she got the role she wanted in Cats this summer.

I felt awful leaving her. But I felt worse my last few weeks at home, because Soraya was so happy about her role and I was so miserable. I didn’t want to ruin her happiness. That’s why I didn’t tell her I was running away. Pretty stupid, right?

She texted me right after that first phone call in the airport: WTF, Amir. Drama always suited her. It was like a flood of texts after that: What’s going on? Where are you? Why did you skip your graduation? You’re so dumb.

I told her I would come home soon. That was a lie, but I couldn’t crush Soraya. She kept begging me for an explanation, which just tightened the guilty feeling in my chest more. But I couldn’t drag her down with me. I made her promise to stay focused on the musical. I told her I couldn’t wait to see her in it, that I wouldn’t miss it for the world.