Long after the front door to my condo slams closed behind Leo, I still can’t move. The pain slowly dies to be replaced by a frozen numbness. I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the horror and shame on Leo’s face. Just thinking of it has me rolling off the bed to escape it. I wish I could blame Leo like he’s obviously doing, only it wasn’t his fault.

Well, maybe a little considering how large he is, he must have known he needed to go a little more slowly. In my lack of experience, I believed my body was ready for him, I wanted him so badly. I’m not sure if it was the sudden fear at the size of him or him pushing so hard so fast that caused my body to fight him. All I know is once it happened the pain was so immense I couldn’t relax, and the pain wouldn’t go away.

Turning on the shower as hot as I can take it I get in and stand under the stream. I’ve messed up everything. The one thing he wanted from me and I wanted to give him, I couldn’t get right. Now the tears come. I don’t fight them. I thought I was prepared for how badly Leo would react. I didn’t come close. Leo hated me. Every word he spoke was like a knife into my chest. He would never believe in me, felt he could never trust me again. The one thing most valuable to him, his trust in me, was broken.

Felix is meowing his head off in a constant loop. I turn off the water and grab a towel. I step out of the shower to find Leo waiting, leaning against the vanity. I’m so surprised I step back and almost fall. Leo’s hand shoots out to grab me and keeps me standing until I find my balance. The minute both my feet are safely on the ground he lets me go. I can’t believe I’m shy all over again as I wrap the towel around me.

His face as hard as if it were hewn from stone, he hands me a box. I’m confused until I look closer. Plan B, closing my eyes in shame, I nod. “I was right then? You aren’t protected.”

“No.”

He hands me a bottle of water. Oh, for fucks sake. “Two minutes, Leo, two fucking minutes. I’ll take the damn pill. I’ll take twenty of them because I don’t want to deal with that kind of repercussion any more than you do but I want to get dressed and dried off.”

His only response is a lift of that damn eyebrow. He takes the box back and walks out of the bathroom. I hate him.