Feeling raw I can acknowledge it has been eating at me. It is a part of what has kept me from letting her into my life completely, fear of giving her the opportunity to do it all over again. Despite what Victoria said, despite the endless nights wondering about a future with her. How can I know she will not hurt me again if she does not admit what she did was wrong? Is it not the first step? Apologizing, and admitting you did wrong? “My attendance at your launch the other evening makes that question ridiculous. Even now the papers are still printing pictures of us together. You ask from me, yet you do not ask for what you should be asking. You say you are sorry a dozen times a day for meaningless bullshit things, not once in all this time have you said you were sorry for lying to me, for your betrayal of my trust. Am I not deserving of your apology?”

No damn her, I want to break something at the sight of her tears. “Leo, it’s not like that. I’m sorry, a thousand times I broke the trust you had in me. I hated lying to you, but I swore I would never lie to you. I’m not going to now. I’m not sorry I lied to you to get the job.”

Hearing her confirmation of being the lying, scheming bitch I had tried to ignore she was, is too much. “Get out.”

“Leo, please you have to understand why—”

“I do not have to understand anything. Get. The. Fuck. Out.”

27

Alexa

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Staring blindly into the refrigerator, I don’t see anything that actually appeals. Head down I give up, food doesn’t appeal, my story doesn’t appeal, all that does is sleep. Even though it’s only nine thirty, I sleepwalk into the bathroom for a shower. He’s not coming tonight, just like he didn’t come last night or the night before.

It’s been three days since I laid the card key on his desk. I’ve regretted it ever since. Elise and Ria had sworn today I’d done the right thing. Take a deep breath and be patient. I’m kind of over being patient. I’m having a hard time not begging Leo to forget I ever said anything, to tell him I’m sorry I was stupid.