She was happier alone, considering what happened when she let a man in, I understood. There was no pain if she was alone, no one to love and lose, no one to hurt her. I called myself a bastard a dozen times as I touched her soft cheek, knowing I would hurt her again, not physically. I would hurt her heart, yet I couldn’t walk away. I was a bastard because even if she told me to leave, to stay away from her, the way she should, I was not strong enough to do it.

I told her I needed time to figure out what to do with her, it was a lie. I already knew what I was going to do with her. What I needed was time to figure out how to do it without fucking up all over again. While on the flight to England I stowed emotion to get through the next few days then realized it was the only way to continue for the foreseeable future.

The visit I paid Natalie did not help. Her defiance in light of what she did angered me, making me vow to destroy everything she had. Until she laughed, it was what she expected from me. The same way she knew I had hurt Alexa once and would again. I didn’t know the first thing about being the man Alexa needed and deserved, for all my money I couldn’t buy a heart, she spat at me with pure venom. I accepted her words for what they were, the truth. Then with one call, I burned Natalie’s cushy new life to the ground. I would not want to disappoint her.

Yet Natalie’s words lingered, taunting me as I have fought to maintain control of my emotions over the last few weeks. It has not been easy, christ it hasn’t been easy. With every day came new and wonderful revelations of Alexa’s personality she previously kept hidden from me. Her sense of humor, her playfulness, her wit made me want to laugh often.

Then there was her astonishing sexual appetite. In all of my dreams and fantasies, I would never have dreamed of her eagerness, willingness, and hunger for my body and her pleasure. It should not make a difference, only it does, I will not lie. My cock is the first inside her, the first she has ever taken into her mouth, the first to bring her to orgasm. No other man has heard her moans and whimpers, her begging. The knowledge makes every shudder of her beautiful body sweeter to me.