Maybe it was madness, but in the stress of creeping down an LA freeway when all I wanted to do was get to the woman I was crazy about, a wild thought occurred to me. We’d been holding off having sex, but now that our contract was expired, I wasn’t a client anymore. If this was real between us, if I was really the exception for her and she wanted a future with me, that would be one way to tell without asking her outright and putting her on the spot. I’d never push sex on her either, but if she chose to do that with me then I’d know for sure this was real to her too.

Max said she made every man think they’re the exception. My insecurities and the stress of fame could fill my head with all kinds of lies, but if what I had with her wasn’t real, then my every instinct was wrong and that was too much to contemplate.

She was my match, my equal, my fierce goddess, and dammit I wanted to be the exception more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.

44

Elena

I sat in silence on Alex’s deck for a long time, staring at the ocean and contemplating what my next steps should be. I could go to the producers, but that would let them control the message and they had a history of siding with their director over me.

I should probably have told Alex first, but I needed this to be my decision and mine alone, needed to finally take my power back by myself. He would seek to protect me.

I sat and wrote the story I wanted to tell in the most vulnerable and raw way I knew how before I lost my nerve. This would be my one chance to share my experience before accusations were thrown back and my profession clouded people’s judgment.

And it would. They would say I was doing it for attention. That I had it coming because I was a sex worker. That I was a whore who was asking for it. Max’s friends would defend him and speak against me. In the end, it might not stop him from being able to do it again. But I had to try or I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

When I was finished, I felt raw and powerful at the same time. Revisiting what he’d done was triggering, but it was cathartic to stop avoiding the memories.

I emailed it to a reporter friend at Hollywood Weekly, feeling lighter now that I’d taken that first step. Then, I sent it to Victoria since there would be negative blowback she needed to be prepared for, and to Ophelia to ask what the repercussions could be from the NDA I’d signed with him. It wasn’t going to stop me, but I wanted to know what I was getting into.