He cocked an eyebrow. “Sounds like somebody might be catching some feelings for the hot dominatrix…”

I blew out a breath. “It’s strictly a business relationship.”

He barked a laugh. “So I can ask her out when your contract is up?”

I shot him the big brother look.

His grin was smug. “Uh huh. That’s what I thought.”

I put my head down on the table. “I’m so fucked.”

Zane laughed. “My advice? Don’t tell mom it’s fake unless you’re sure it’s going to stay that way. And if you’re going to tell her that, wait until she’s feeling better. She’ll get herself all worked up.”

I groaned, still facedown on the table.

Zane patted me on the shoulder. “Why don’t I bring her back out to LA with me as soon as she can fly? I’ve got time before the tour starts, so she and Ryan can come stay at my place for a bit. Maybe we’ll finally convince her to move out there with us. That buys you some time to get your shit straight.”

Would more time make things with Elena any less complicated? It at least meant I didn't have to drop anything on my mom while she was recovering.

“Thank you. Can you solve my acting problems too?” I asked.

“Only if you can solve my music problems.”

I picked my head up. “Zane the Rock God has music problems?”

He rolled his eyes. “I can’t write anything new. Or I can, but it’s all still garbage compared to my old stuff. I’ll figure it out.”

I asked, “Do you still get scared? Before a show?”

He pondered the question. “Not really. Not the kind of piss-yourself-terror I had when I first started playing big shows.” His expression got distant. “Now there are just moments when I’m playing in front of a hundred thousand people and every single one of them is singing along to something I wrote and it’s my words, but it means something different to each of them. I dunno man, it’s something else. It feels bigger than me…and sometimes that feeling can knock me on my ass.”

“This part feels like that. It really means something to people. It’s bigger than me and I thought I could do it, but now I don’t even know. I don’t want to give it up, but I don’t want to fuck it up either.”

He said, “It’s good to be scared. That’s how you know you’re growing. How you know you’re living.”

He was right. I felt most alive when I was pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, whether that was in the outdoors or during one of Elena’s lessons.

I winked at him. “Taking advice about fear from the guy who tries to barbecue himself onstage every night may not be the standard I want to shoot for.”

Zane’s love of pyrotechnics was legendary, adored by fans and hated by our mother.

Zane smiled and shrugged, but then sobered. “I like this for you, Alex. Do the stuff that scares you. Take some risks. Professional ones for sure…but personal ones wouldn’t hurt you either.”