I’ve been to Paris many times, usually accompanied by a model, or an actress. I’ve arranged for private tours of everything there is to see in the city. I’ve spent ridiculous amounts of money on the Avenue des Champs-Élysées.

But I have never, ever been as invested as I am now.

Emily sleeps on my shoulder in the car on the way to the hotel. She rallied after we found Paige. We went on a bunch of rides a second time. But I could see how exhausted she was when we finally approached the gates of the park, the sky already darkening.

Emily’s not sleeping on a plane tonight. Not even my luxe private jet, which has seats that fold all the way flat. I want her to have steady ground under her feet.

Or under her bed, I guess.

The weight of her head on my shoulder while the car drives us through the streets of Paris feels far more intimate than kissing her. This is the most vulnerable Emily’s ever been with me. Both of them, really. Paige sleeps with her head on Emily’s lap.

It happens again. Just like it did in that toy store. I start thinking of them in fantasy terms. In family terms. This could be how it is, with the three of us. Heading home from a day out.

Me, keeping watch.

The girls, completely asleep.

Paige hugs an even larger Mickey plush to her chest with the smaller one pinned close to her body. There are three bags of Disney merchandise in the trunk of the car. The last thing I did before we left was have the security team clear out one of the stores on Main Street. With Lisa’s help, we had thirty-five minutes of uninterrupted shopping in an empty store.

Emily couldn’t deny her daughter anything, and I can’t blame her. She came damn close to never seeing her again. What’s the cost of a snow globe compared to that?

I wasn’t really any better. Even if they decided against purchasing something, I followed along throwing it into a bag. I want to give these two the world, but I’m pretty sure they won’t let me. So I’ll have to settle for bathrobes and matching dishes.

Emily’s shoulders finally relaxed in that store, watching Paige run around and look at all the toys. That was when I knew we weren’t going to fly back until the morning.

All these feelings are not what I’d call comfortable.

They’re nice to think about. I almost feel drunk with how good they feel to think about. But they’re a major departure from the way I’ve thought about my life for many years now.

I never thought I’d settle down.