The layers of clothing between us feel thin enough to fuck her through. It’s not true. I’m wearing jeans. Jane settles herself against me. I can feel her heat through the cloth.

“It would be hot to have sex out here,” she says. “We could do it like this.”

“But then you wouldn’t be able to see the sunset.” I pick her up and put her on her feet, then guide her hands to the porch railing. “If we did it like this, we could both watch.”

“I don’t care about the sunset anymore.” She wriggles her hips into me, and I don’t care about the sunset anymore, either.

“We can see it from the bedroom.”

I pull Jane’s shirt over her head before we even reach the stairs. We live together, and it does nothing to slake my thirst for her. I want her all the time. And this idea of having a baby together—of her, having my baby—has made me harder than I think I’ve ever been.

That night when I take her, I fuck her long and hard. I want a baby to take root in her body. I want to bind her to me in the most elemental way. And when she comes, she shudders in my arms. She cries out my name before falling into a sudden sleep. I wake her again and again over the night. She moans, half in dreams, when I push my cock into her. She’s probably sore, so I become more gentle—but just as insistent. I move her body where I need her, and she lets me. She lets me. She’s pliant in my hands, and I thrill over the power, even as guilt eats at me.

Chapter Thirteen

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Jane Mendoza

When we made our first campus visit, the advisor, Mary, gave me an invite to a small meetup. It’s for people who are thinking about attending college here—prospective first-year students and transfer students, people like that. People like me. I wasn’t sure if I should bother going. What did it matter, if I was only going to attend class online?

But Beau seems serious about getting a feel for the college experience. So two guys from the security team drive me to campus and let me out in front of the café.

The small building looks out onto a street that divides campus from college town. According to the sign, they serve fancy coffee in the morning and microbrews in the evening.

I wipe my hands on my jeans and peek in through the front windows. Maybe this was a mistake. What am I supposed to say to all these people while we drink trendy microbrews? That I’m only here because I took a job as a nanny and fell in love with my boss? That I’ll probably never see these people again, unless it’s on Zoom for class?