Even if I drove to his house, what would I say? I know what happens when people fall in love. It’s bullshit. All kinds of things happen. My life story isn’t the only one. Plenty of people fall in love and don’t get abused by their husbands. Plenty of people don’t leave one brother for the worse one.

“Can I go to the zip line?” Paige asks. She’s been drawing in the living room. A brand-new pack of colored pencils, delivered by Beau earlier this morning. “Mom? Can I? Can we both go?”

“Of course we can.” I pick up my phone from its spot on the kitchen counter and open the local news app. It’s not fancy, but I can keep a live feed on my screen while Paige and I go outside. Nobody’s expecting a verdict this early, but I’m not going to be caught by surprise.

We go out across the lawn and Paige hops on her zip line. “I’m ready!” she shouts.

I swing her toward the other side and she flies away. My heart drops every time this happens. I know she’ll be all right. She’s had plenty of practice. But watching my daughter soar away from me hits too close to home.

Jane: How are you holding up?

The text makes me feel slightly less alone. Slightly less like a screwup.

Jane’s sweet, though. She’d probably still send this to a person who was an utter failure. Me? I just don’t know what the hell to do with my emotions. I don’t know why Mateo saying that he loved me sent me back to this place.

I do know why. Because it went so badly before.

But it hasn’t gone badly with Mateo. It’s gone better and better as the days pass. I’ve never had so much fun in my life as I did when we were in Disneyland Paris.

Jane’s not talking about Mateo. At least, I assume she’s not. I don’t know what Mateo did after he went home. He could’ve shown up at Beau and Jane’s house the next day and told them everything.

Emily: I just wish it was over. I’m ready to move on.

Jane: I get it. I hope there’s news today. See you guys tomorrow? Headed out in a minute for the meetup.

Emily: Paige wants a rematch!

Jane: Tell her she’s on. ;)

Paige always wants another game of Monopoly with Jane or Beau or even Mateo. She wants a game of Monopoly with everyone.