‘Stop!’ It comes out in a roar. Three stunned faces look up at me. ‘For God’s sake, can we please have one dinner in peace? One dinner where nobody fights?’

They nod in silence. My headache is worse. No parenting medals for me tonight. I hate this. I hate shouting at them. Being unpredictable. Losing control. My one and only wish for my kids is to keep them safe from the kind of upbringing I had. And yet, here we are.

‘I can help clean up,’ Ben says quietly. Always the quickest to read the room.

Even Emily, usually slower to back down, begins gathering plates. Sophie, chin to chest, doesn’t move.

‘I’m sorry for shouting. It’s been a long day.’

‘But you’re not working at your job any more?’ Ben says, and all I can do is shake my head.

As the kids slink out of the room to the refuge of their devices, a text pings through on mine. It’s from Cora, and it leaves me hot and cold all at once.

I’ve worked it out. I know why you were asking about Lily and the name ‘Lila’. We need to talk.

20

June 1985

MARY FELT HER JAW tighten as Gavin’s familiar shape passed the kitchen window. He didn’t ring the doorbell any more to announce his arrival but seemed to come and go whenever suited him. No lawn needed that much tending and this certainly wasn’t what Robbie had envisaged when he offered Gavin ‘work experience’ – Mary was sure of that. But there didn’t seem to be any polite way to make it stop either. She found herself pulling drapes and blinds for privacy and keeping Lily indoors, though she couldn’t quite say why he made her so uncomfortable. It wasn’t anything he said. He rarely spoke at all, in fact. It was more the way he looked at her. The silent, intense gaze. And his very presence. Home was the one place you could expect some privacy, some space to be yourself. She reached up and pulled the kitchen blind.

‘Can I get a glass of water?’

His voice caught her off guard, and she smacked her head on the open icebox door when she straightened without thinking. Tears sprang up as she bit back a yelp of pain.

‘Let me help you.’ His hands were on her arms now, leading her to a kitchen chair, sitting her down.

‘I’m fine, just dazed.’

A bag of frozen peas, pressed to her head. Lily running in, asking what was wrong.

‘It’s OK, Lilybug, Mommy’s just hurt herself.’

‘Will I get the special cream? The one you putted on my sore knee before?’ Lily paused to remember the name, screwing up her face. ‘Arnica!’ she said then, pleased with herself.

‘No, sweetheart, the frozen peas are all I need.’

‘Is he helping you?’ Lily asked, pointing at Gavin.

‘Yes, but I’m fine now. Thank you, Gavin, I’m fine.’

Lily frowned at Gavin. ‘Daddy’s good at helping too.’