So much for her psychology course. ‘Well, she’s a therapist with a doctorate, as opposed to a medical doctor, but either way, it’s not really about curing. I was sent to grief counselling after my parents died, and all through my time at boarding school.’ This is a story I know off by heart. ‘And then it morphed into just regular therapy. You don’t have to be ill to go to therapy.’

‘Of course. And you know best, being a therapist yourself.’ She stops again and I can almost see the thoughts rolling through her head: Why can’t Joanna just fix herself? ‘Anyway,’ she goes on, ‘I’m sure it’s money well spent. Mark was saying the fees are quite high – will you need to cut back now you’re not working?’

This makes me squirm. Has Mark really been telling his mother about the payments? Susie continues without waiting for my answer.

‘You might cut back in time, I suppose. But anyway, we often move book club to Wednesday if someone can’t come. Will I keep you posted? I will.’ Susie’s superpower is answering her own questions. She lifts her glass to clink with mine. ‘Isn’t it absolutely gorgeous to be outdoors at this time of evening. I know we’re supposed to be against climate change and all that, but I’d love this heatwave to last for ever. Although’ – she lowers her voice – ‘did you hear that awful news story about the gorse fire? Two people dead, asleep in their beds. I just—’ She stops abruptly and puts her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh, goodness, I’ve done it again, haven’t I? Sorry, Joanna. The last thing you want to talk about is people being killed in fires.’

Even Adana, unflappable Adana, is uncomfortable now. I can feel it emanating from her.

‘It’s OK! Honestly, Susie, it was all so long ago. I’m fine.’ I reach to touch her arm. Smoothing over. Fixing. Placating. Because that is what I do.

8

June 2018

‘MUM, BEN WON’T LET me watch anything on the den TV and Sophie’s watching PAW Patrol in the sitting room – can I have your phone?’

I pass it to Emily as Mark stands at the sink, shaking his head with a faux-mournful expression.

‘You know, when we were small, there were only two TV channels, and we all watched the same thing on Saturday mornings. It was called Anything Goes and—’

‘Dad, stop! We know already, you’ve told us a gazillion times. You do get that only having two channels doesn’t actually mean life was better back then, right?’ She sweeps out of the kitchen, head already bent over my phone.

Mark shrugs. ‘They don’t know what they’re missing. Life was easier back in two-channel land.’

‘Yes, yes, and the summers were hotter and everyone played outdoors from dawn till dusk, I know the drill.’ I dig him gently in the ribs. ‘Speaking of childhood – did you get to meet Fran last night? Reintroduce yourself?’